WHY????!!!

If ...

if i think further , it wont happened..

i feel so troubled coz i need to help him , i promised to deliver his phone to his cousin, sister or whoever ...

u know what???!! it so far , i need to go orchard for ur ****** sake n go back?! whose phone is that? who needs who??! im busy now.. why dont u understand.. why dont u just go to my place???!! wtH.... JUST NOW U EVEN GO TO MOVIE! SHIT!

i feel so pissed.. sometimes why ppl dont care abt others. everytme i help, intention of helping, at the end its always getting me feel troubled. im helping here but @ the end , ..... ;( just if somebody understands...

im just a person... not an angel whose heart is so pure n have long winded river of patience...

i hate ppl n myself sometimes.. we all egoist..

whatever we do, even blinking, its all just for our own good..

why r we so egoist?

sin... i make sins everyday, including this .. please God, help me to be more patient, aware , n smart plus tough .. to face ppl.. i dont want to be used anymore.. at least , i dont ever feel so...

FORGIVENESS

Luke 17:3-4 (King James Version)

³Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.

⁴And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

To all whoever read my blog.. if there is anyone...

well, these days i've been facing a problem to forgive..

i need to forgive my father.. what i hate the most of him is his ignorance and sayings which hurt my sister's heart the most.. i dont know whether u guys all have been facing the same problem , HATES WHOEVER IT IS.

sometimes i can tell i dont hate anyone.. but actually i still have a wound in my heart that is not recovered yet. u just try to forget it or u feels like get used to it. U'll not notice it until something happened related to the person that make u hate them, then u began crying, hating them again (them might means, family, friends, pets, hahahhahah ) . For me, it feels like emptiness, undescribed weird feelings, maybe sadness, hatred, dissapointed. it maybe dissapearred sometimes but can reappear until u erase it n just let it go by forgiving.

Luke 17 :3-4 gave me strength and faith that i need to forgive them (whoever i hate) . because God is love, and a form of love is to forgive and as His children we have to share His love as well..... ;)

i cant do anything to my father, to change him, i need to start first by making changes and pray for him and my family. im wishing i have courage to forgive hm completely and open a fresh page when im going back later. PLEASE GOD , HELP ME, US...

I heard a few stories about my friends' family condition. My father is just one normal easy problem that can be said as nothing cmpared to them. I have a friend, whose father is a gambler, n he has to work for the whole family to make a living , even it means that he has to sacrifice his health , dreams, and if possible , he is willing to trade his own life for sake of family. another one, maybe not so tragic, she has 2 siblings. she is the middle one. everything was fine, the bigger brother close with his father, and she herself to the mother. till one day, a little sister came and took all of her mother's attention. cause of that she became highly inferior, she tend to stay away from her parents and fam. She gave herself to her friends, she hated home. But, God is love. she could forgive her mother whom she thought neglected her before (she ,i think, didnt know for sure why she hated her mother. forget.) the best thing is that she is now very independent cause she already get used to prepare everything herself. Sometimes, u'll never know what all of these bad things happened. But HE ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN. SOMETHING BETTER ALWAYS AHEAD OF US. WE JUST CANT SEE IT NOW, BUT WE JUST NEED TO STAND STILL, LEAN ON HIM AND WAIT.......

FORGIVING IS HARD BUT BY HIS HELP WE CAN....

=)

notes of the day..

IF U HAVE NO WAY TO TURN TO...

Hello.. :)

im happy today.. i went to the church this morning, sing songs and heard preaching, but somehow i forget about it alr.. then go to work and at night i went to a revival meeting @stadium.

im hoping this sharing can share u something..

after i heard the preach, i felt like my faith is strengthened..

So, i hope u felt the same way like i do after u read this..

IMPORTANT THING TO DO IS, OPEN UR HEART, CAUSE THE HEART IS THE KEY

HAVE U EVER THINK , WHY DO I HAVE TO BELIEVE IN CHRISTIANITY?

other than any other religions in this world? (just for info, the preaching was brought by Stephen Tong, an Indonesian preacher whose name should be quite famous i think.., hopefully u know him, or just google him)

The answer he gave is very simple and i think its true... He said, because no other religion said that they have a way of saving ur life. i have a book that can give u knowledge about other religions but its written in indo n i havent read it as well.. hahhahahha =D

NEXT QUESTION, I DONT BELIEVE IN BIBLE , I DONT BELIEVE IN GOD

if u dont believe in bible, so what kind of book is that? that have the beginning and the premonition of the end of the world that now is happening? that give u stories and way to get a salvation? if its just a book, what kind of book is it if its not from God? for additional info, bible consists of chapters that is written by different people and era, and all of them some sort of linked to each other. Moreover, when i dont know when and why exactly, but a long time ago when Judism or something didnt like these scriptures, they tried to burn it but they could never fnd it.. somehow after those people gone these scriptures could be found and now, as u can see, bible is even translated into a lot of languages..

if God not exist, how come those scriptures could be found again and how come the bible's chapters linked to each other? coincidence maybe happens just once not some sort of arranged like this isnt it?

WHY DO I NEED TO GO TO CHURCH?

Do u know that our God is trinity? He has a form of God Himself, A son and Holy Spirit. they are 1, but 3, im kind of confused about this thing.. its weird but its true.. i think , i can say somekind of 3 in 1, and 1 in 3. Holy spirit is the one who has the power to change somebody's heart and behaviour . To accept God, is a blessing. U dont have to work on it, cause God Himself gave this opportunity to u. I feel so lucky, i know Him long ago.. and i think it maybe ur turn.. =) Not every person likes God, some of them deniying His presence somehow, they just dont listen n open their heart.. Back to the main question. After the Holy Spirit did Its work, u need words to listen to, and then faith comes. If ur faith has come, u still need words taht can strengthened ur faith, cause along with whatever happened in ur life, u change... u need something to keep u still in the track, and dont forget to READ THE BIBLE. BIBLE IS HIS WORDS, TRULLY HIS.

just a gentle reminder for u, being a christian is not easy and hard, but dont u ever related prosperity , health on watever materialistic things in ur mind. Accept Him sometimes u begin to have more temptations, some people confront u, and many other bad things might be happenning to u. If u see it from a human perspective its very bad, but HE IS ALIVE AND ALWAYS WATCHING EACH OF US EVERYTIME. HE NEVER STOPS. I have a faith, watever happened to me is the best .. HE ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN BENEATH IT.

LAST QUESTION, TO BE REFLECTED... IF U DONT BELIEVE HIM, WHOELSE U GONNA BELIEVE?

urself? money? bussiness? friends? or what? all of those things is not worth of being trusted, its all very dynamic and unreliable. somehow deep inside ur heart u need comfort and peace, taht only God who is immortal , powerful , and never made mistakes who u could rely on.

if u blame God about bad things that happened , is it ok? I did this sometimes as well, im sorry, forgive me Father.I tell u something, we are born sinned and we supposed to be dead. We dont deserve eternity but He gave His Son , the only Son to be crossed ,in order to save our souls. Plus, He is the Creator of all things, including u and me.. and we dont deserve to even a word to our creator right? But, He is love, He gave us so much love to choose and make decisions, end up, we overdoing our rights to choose, we even blame Him for things that happened to us and never said that its His blessing that i could live in this world, all good things that happened in our lives. We think that we deserve it but actually we are not.

if u have question, why do i have to believe in ur God rather than my God? if our God is the same, He'll listen to u, and after u accept Him, u started see changes in good ways. U always have peace , comfort and content. if u pay attention to my posts lately, i felt so insecure, and the problem came from this thing, MY FAITH WAS FADING. I am the prove that without Him, Im so negative.

i feel so happy, finally, i can write something like this. I need to share it , n the only way to do things like this, is by blogging. can fb support this long winding texts?

As conclusion, this text is a summary and a bit of my own stuff as a respond after listening to the revival meeting i had just now by Stephen Tong. I feel it myself, after this kind of thing i can feel the difference, something good but i cant described it. its true that u need to have body , soul, and spiritual needs to be contented. God is exist and if u wanna know Him, read the bible. i need to read Bible again.. its been so long since i last read it... i wish this post has a value towards the reader (s) if any. But, i have faith someone will read it.. =) i wish that what i wrote is an answer for ur question that u have all these time. BUT THE KEY IS , OPEN UR HEART FIRST. HE ALWAYS AROUND, ITS JUST U WHO CANT SEE HIM...

GOD BLESS US~~ =)

THANKS FATHER....

helllloooo

im just wanna share and hopefully whoever read this note will also praying for her ..

one of my friend, she is very though, she still cherish and act as if nothing's happening

i didnt know the real details of it but,

her parents suddenly separated... so this coming dec, she maybe not going back..

she has a brother , just her and her brother. Her brother has to go to his aunty's house, now at her home there's only her grandma..

i dont know what im going to do if i were her..

family is very important..

maybe some ppl said that family is what?? i dont need it or watever...

but family is the root of who u are..

u r now is actually a result of ur family habit, condition, principles, teachings, everything..

believe it or not... but, some of it also comes from ur environment n friends..

if u have a good mom and dad who always take care of u its a blessing..

if they are still beside u and always be there for u , u should fill content

im quite happy with mine.. =)

im feeling blessed for them as well...

pray for her , God, please give her strength. whatever happened to her is for her own good.. But, if i can ask something, please God, make her parents together again..

but its all Ur plan.. Thanks God for everything.. especially my parents and my family..

Thank you for opening my eyes , so that I can see how lucky I am..

Thanks God cause Im still alive... healthily...

=)

Thanks Father..

g ngerasa amat sangat gagal sebagai temen...

g bilang dia temen terbaik g.. tp g ga lakuin apa2 pas ultahnya... malah org laen yg lbh ga deket lbh care...

g mungkin gagal bgt.....

sorry....

Insecure

i dont know whats happening here... my mom called and i just answered... nothing special.. ordinary.. but right after that i feel like going home.. i cant stand.. somehow... am i feeling insecure? im really in between am i? just now we played l4d.. cause of me, it became 7 people.. suddnly something cropped out.. well, ella, dixon and nick , the other group is khai, jenny, and wei yang.. me? cant take anything though... when they were talking .. im just listening.. thats mostly what im doing.. why cant i take part? why am i have no initiative to express myself? my fault.. but its me, n still me.. im weakened somehow... is it cause of period? so immature...

im hoping u guys now having fun..

im alone...

alone...

alone...

but sometimes i like to be alone when i feel its just me without barrier and mask .. when im really me, maybe someone else that u guys never see inside me...

maybe the conclusion of me about friendship is always about insecurity......

I N S E C U R E....

Hi... I'm totally screwed.. I don't know what's happening within me either.. What am I supposed to do? Whenever I remembered her parents suddenly my tears are just dropping.. A lot!actually what's happening?

g ga tau harus gmn... yg pasti g ga tau knapa g sedih bgt... ni bukan masalah cinta ato cowo..

thanks bgt dah percaya ma g y...

g ga bs ap2.. g cm bs doa bt lu..

ati2 , jangan ad yg ktinggalan...

Bapa , **************************tp Engkaulah yg tau yg terbaik...

berikan dia *********.. y Bapa, aku ga tau knapa aku yg jd sedih bgt... i cant do about anything... i hope everything will be just fine...

g ga tau g bakalan gmn klo g di posisi lu.. meskipun ********* tp ttp aj.. *********.. g ga bs benci bokap g .. g cm agak kecewa n feels so distance... anyway thanks to have ************* i know U always know the best for us..

why is it so hard to write about happy things instead of sad things.. im not always emo.. just sometimes...

im happy that i got a blog.. at least i can write my feelings freely.. and not everyone can read it..

Father, how are u?

i think it has been quite along time we havent chat for a long time..

im happy i know u and i believe that u re exist..

its quite sad that many people think u re not exist and they dont believe that u r capable of anything..

i know an angel u send especially for me.. she is avelyn rite?

she is very cute, and smart i think. she is my guardian i felt like taht when she's around..

thanks God..

Father, suddnely i feel like want to cry..

i dont know why..

i love u Father, help me love u more than anything else in this world.. im so sinful and silly

thanks for ur blessing that made me become ur daughter..

i saw so many people losing their faith ..i dont want to.. please always light my way Father..

thanks Father for my parents and sister and all relatives i have..

i want to pray for my mom, please give her strength to face my father everyday, u must have been watching her struggling through all of this rite? please give her strength Father..

i want to pray for my father also, please let him see U and believe in U.. please change him .. noone can change him except U..

i want to pray for my grandparents and all realtives all confirmed believe in U..

i want to pray for my sister.. she has to face my father everyday.. give her strength, and love , not to hate my father..

i want to pray for myself.. to always forgive and never forget to pray for all of my family members..

Father, i dont know what else to say.. thanks for always guarding me and sending ur angels around me..

forgive me for being a stubborn unfillial daughter of U Father..

thanks for all this opportunity to live, family and all things provided well ...

thanks God...

hellllloooooo....

it has been a long time since i last write rite?

just in need to write...

im again in doubt ... now, new friends and environment.. i need to make friends..

i found them.. but i begin thinking , will my bestfriends forget me? i join my new group.. n seems like i begin not so close with both parties.. im afraid.. of being alone..

not here and not there.. my comfort zone seems like fading.. how??

im in between.. is it at the end i have noone to rely on?

i have God beside me always.. but i also need friends rite? i need them..

well, its just my current story, nobody cares though.. i begin thinking im nobody in anyone's heart or mind.. im just a blow of wind that nobody will ever memorize.. maybe..

im just a blow of wind........ that hoping to be a favourite doll(spongebob or watever)something memorable bu actually i could never be....

nothing is eternal.. including happiness

sorry Father tht im not always find joy in my life.. i suppose to be like that but its not always like that.. please Father, just erase all of this feeling.. im not ok.....

suddenly, i am afraid, that no one will really accept me in this new class..

a barrier has been slowly built.. now, i can still get through.. but later?

i dont know.........

uncertainty n thats all i have in mind now... and somekind of pressure from homework and all that stuff.. my head seems like jamming.. i dont know.. maybe it's just my feeling not for real.. hopefully...

today is an important day of my life, I think....
im going to move out from somerset to east coast... which in fact, takes longer to go to school..
however, i need to move for reasons..
i cant say i dont like to live here.

since yesterday , my head is empty.. just thinking about unnecessary things which has no use at all..
i feel weird and damn sleepy everytime.. maybe im going to be sick soon..

now, i am on my own..

the question is how i'll maintain "the bridge" ?
she told me to keep it.. but how?
there's a gap that i ,till now cant close.....
we are too far...
she doesnt know...

im going to move... go away from your life... im just hoping i left good/ average impression here, as long as its not bad... i really wish ... i feel that you dont really like me... and dont want to see me anymore.. i hope its not true.. if its true , what should i do? i dont think i can fix it...

i need to stop being emo......

please brain! stop it!
let the time heals the wound...........

hi!!
=)

somehow im not really happy today..
my mom and sister just went back to indo..
and as a jobless person today , im alone in this room..
all i do just listening to music and write this thing..
so empty and silent.. i like it but i dont like..
=.=??
watever~~

i gain maybe 2 kg .. OMG!!
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!! AND IT STARTS FROM TODAY!!!!!!!!
GANBATTE!!
I CAN!!
=)

i love my life.........

new days ..
new friends..
new job (waitress and student)

but still........
it will fade away..
like the mist in the morning which will gone as the sun rises uphigh...........
thats life..
nothing eternal..
sad..
happy..
angry..
anything you feel

LALALALALLA~~~~

HAI!!!!
see you again!!=)

i got a lot of things to write today.,,
1. nata n reta went back to indo.. congrats guys.. have a save flight.. then i texted you guys but no reply?? zzzz...
2. prayer is all about His will.. =)
3. eeerrrrmm.. i served quite well. 1 customer said thanks and said my name.. hahaha special for me! maybe i sounds so exagerate.. but i do feel happy about that.. he is a father with a family though so.. its pure about good service.. hhahahh
4. i remembered the regular customer ... hahaha scary little boy.. rice lovers!!!! lol!!!! =D
5. i dare to ask him whether he is a gay or not.. hahahha and he is a gay ! he said im the only one who dont believe him when he said he is a gay.. i thought he was kidding! lol...
i asked him the very big question i have in my mind..
me: are you seriously a gay?
him: yesterday i saw my BOYFRIEND.. i saw him with another guy.. i want to say hi to him but at the end i didnt do it..
me: how if you see a very handsome guy?? =)
him: like you loh.. like magnet!! (lol..)
me: how if you see a very sexy lady?
him:(i forget what he said.. but i think he feel nothing...)
him: to love a guy is the same like to love a girl but same sex.. (i think he said so.. if im not mistaken) love your parents .. etc.. its love rite..
me: (actually a bit confused...) lol....
i needed to do something else so i finish it first and then come again..
me: FINALLY I DARE TO ASK YOU THIS!! HAHHA
hopefully he dont mind im asking him..... but he seemed ok and gave those answers enthusiastically.. hahaha =D
since that i wanted to ask more.. SHIT!!!!
IM CURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY I AMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!
UNFORTUNATELY HE WILL GO SOON TO MALAYSIA AND NEVER COME BACK.. I CANT ASK HIM ANYMORE... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....
he is a very good friend.. the most caring of all.. its a pity he has to go so soon.. but its ok.. many other good people will replace him.. =)

questions trigerred in mind...
>how come you become a gay?
>do your parents know?
>have you ever like your own guy friends( since all his friends are guy...)?
> dont say that all of you are gay?????? lol!!!!! =D HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

these questions and thoughts are not to make of him.. I HONOUR his courage to tell the world that he is a gay!!!
I THINK THATS COOL... b=.=d (2 thumbs up) =)

Thanks God you made me meet a bit of reality in this world.. many anomaly happened in this world and i feel happy to experienced 1 of this phenomenon.. (lebay......) but thats more or less what i felt... =)
i dont care about what do you think of me this time.. somehow i dont care... YES!!!

Q: if anyone read this.. please give an answer to this...
is it a sin to become a gay/lesbian?
but then , how if they were born as that nature? they cant choose to be normal.. some people were born in this condition rite?

i

s e e d i ff e r en t


w o rld
t h a t
i
've

n e v e r s e e n
before.........................................................

CALLED
r e a l i t y

t ha t

unfairness is happening

b
ut

you can't
do a n y t hing a b o ut it.....................

smile...
makes the world seems better..
makes other feels better..
something easy but not many people doing it..
smile..
=)

i see many grown ups around me..
my biggest fear is..
im still here.. childish...
forever and ever...
i wish i can change and learn how to be one of them...
.........................................







end....................

today, my time feels really2 slow..
so many things i've done.. im tired till my antibody drop.. and here i am .. almost sick!! I DONT WANT!!!
I already drink the medicine.. but my nose still dripping..
OMG...
I wish He listens to me.. i dont want to be sick..
but sick is not always bad .. i can rest .. =) but hopefully i dont!!
by the way.. i got my ear pierced! thanks to nata who accompanied me till i have the guts to do that..
i think God also do the same thing through His holy spirit.. He will give us strength to pass all of our fears and make us feel so comfortable.. He do exist! He always be there for us.. believe it or not.. i think every human needs God..
well, i dont really know what im talking about..
ok then.. have a nice day!!!! =)

good quote for today!!

"the more you know the bigger responsibility you have to carry"

sometimes it's good not to know everything.. at least you dont have to do what you dont understand..
i dont know but these words are jumbling in my head but i couldnt find suitable words to explain it..
so yeah...
thats all..
let it be dancing in my head..
=)
by the way.. so far im still like my job.. heheh

haiiiiii>>>>>
im back home just now..
sweating all day and end up with eating lots of leftover sushi which are really2 alot and at the end 1/2 of it were thrown away untouched.. what a pity rite? but noone can finished it!!

im just tasting the way of finding money.. it's not easy though.. u have to work alot for it.. im just starting my work today.. and hopefully i can keep doing it to help my parents cause maybe i will move out soon.. i want to buy a mac or an slr with this money and also give my mom something nice..

i love my life and all conditions of it.. so far so good.. =)
i wish i can work hard everytime in school and work cause i just remember that work is one way of serving HIM... i dont want to be a destroyer of His image..
im hoping i can work better also in my studies... =)
thanks God for all i have.. my parents, family, sibling and relatives , friends ,and every second You gave me..
THANKS GOD....

HELLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
IM SUPER HAPPY TODAY!!
I GET A JOB!!
NIHON MURA SUSHI AT NOVENA~~~
ANYONE INTERESTED? APPLY TO NIHON MURA AT NOVENA.. THERE ARE STILL VANCANCY THERE.. HOHOOHOH
THANKS A LOT FOR IVY, YURI, AND MAYSHELLA WHO HAVE INFORMED ME..
THANKS A LOT TO GOD WHO HAD MADE ALL THIS THINGS HAPPENED..
=)
CANT WAIT FOR TOMORROW>>>>>>
WOOOOOHOOOOO

2 things happened today..
1> i ran super fast and Nata laughed really2 alot at me!!! and she wrote it in her blog..
hahahha
it's ok though.. funny and embarassing.. =D hahahahahhaha
cant stop laughing also...

2> i was in the bus.. there was an indian old woman sat on the chair.. then came a chinese old woman and sat next to her.. suddenly they talked to each other.. but i dont know whether they were talking in the same language or not.. but they seemed to understand each other (i presumed they both talking in different language) hahahha it's funny.. but they seemed so happy..

im just thinking.. if no one is racist... never look down on anyone , this world would be a better place to live.. i confess, i sometimes look down to certain kind of people and i think everyone also has a tendency of doing/thinking so but in different rate.. im so sorry for that.. i'll try to be more fair.. since we are created equally.. gender, raise, language, or whatever difference we have , should be seen as variety that make the world more beautiful..

Thanks God for whatever situation you've placed me.. came to singapore was a big decision for me . Thankfully, you made me see outside my comfort zone and let me learn from it.. Thanks to have made me met such great friends and people... Thanks for Your great love and blessing for just a human like me who can never give You a return..

kosong...
hari ini begitu kosong..
melompong ...
kaya kakek nenek yg giginya ompong..
(pemanasan...)

HAMPA

angin berhembus ..
menepis.. membuai pikiran ke dalam kehampaan..
bagai ruang anti gravitasi
dimana semua bisa terjadi tiada arti..

butir butir kenangan melewati sang pikiran
menambah rasa hampa yg tiada henti
ingin diriku berhenti
meratapi apa yg telah terjadi..

MEMORI
memori..
keberadaanmu abadi...
di dalam setiap otak manusia yg fana ini..

memori..
kau begitu indah..
bahagia, senang , tidak ingin bangun!!
membuai pikiran dengan kebahagiaan semu..

memori..
kau memalukan!!
emosi, gejolak, amarah, kekesalan yg ada..
membuat manusia ini tertawa dalam kebodohannya sendiri..

memori
kau menyakitkan..
tangis, kepedihan , kehilangan..
menyatu dalam tetesan air mata yg jatuh ke bumi

memori..
jangan ganggu aku lagi dengan kepedihan
karena aku manusia yg rapuh..
yg mudah runtuh , terpengaruhi oleh mu.. sang memori..

puisi ini d tulis hanya semata2 pendramatisiran dan tidak ada hubungannya dengan kehidupan nyata..
mengisi waktu yg membosankan..
=)

.......................................................................................................................................................................
kulihat bintang dari sudut kamar yg mungil ..
begitu terang.. memukau..
memanjakan mata dengan keindahan ciptaan sang Pencipta..

hanya satu ..
paling terang..
kulihat hampir setiap malam..
dengan setia menemani sang rembulan..
.......................................................................................................................................................................
MANUSIA..

sang mentari pagi akan datang kembali..
pertanda.. dimulainya hari baru yg penuh energi..
lembar baru siap menanti.. dengan seribu satu kemungkinan yang akan terjadi..
sayangnya manusia tak akan pernah tahu..

dan itulah indahnya menjadi manusia..
menantikan hari penuh ketakterdugaan dan ketidakpastian ..
sampai pada akhirnya..
berpulang bersama Bapa di sorga..
yg berarti berhenti mengalami segala kekhawatiran, kepedihan, kejengkelan
saat itulah.. akhir dari segala kesengsaraan dan ketidakpastian..
dan sifat kemnusiaan yg fana ini..
yg mungkin akan kuingin rasakan kembali..
INILAH .. PENGAKUAN SANG MANUSIA FANA..

END OF (HALF) BULLSHITTING PAGE...
=)

happy sunday~~

i went to church today...
i was late... i supposed to be an usher but i woke up late.. so yeah..
hahhaha
the ceremony went the same as usual..
you know what?
i dont know but this time.. i felt He is there!!! i believe He always be with us..
but this time i really could feel He was there.. closer than ever!!!
i felt like saver and happier.. and i think it made things looks different? dont know..
I THINK THIS IS AMAZING!!!
=)
i hope everyday feels like today...
im just a sheep in a farm.. which sometimes lost.. im not a real sheep so i cant describe how a sheep feel when it lost the sheep keeper.. but i think it would feels like this?
out of stress, relieving, peace, and joy..
=)
i <3 JESUS.. let me feel Your presence everytime...
i hope those who read this.. can feel the same like me..

i think , like a sheep.. we sometimes lost the keeper's presence (make us feeling lost??) but the keeper always know where we are.. He always keep watching us... and ready to save us whenever we are in danger....

<3 <3 <3 =3
God bless us..

d buat atas request natalia christie...

ke pantai makan kelapa
tiba2 ada tsunami (amit2)
ga tau kenapa
klo sama dia pasti hahahihi

dear anak tere..
kamu tidur di bawah pohon palem..
makan mc d jam 6 sore..
lanjut kfc j 7 malem..
mantep ga .. ????
combo cuy!!!

ada kucing makan mangga
bukannya ketelen malah tersedak
liat video kfc pamela
bukannya seksi malahan kocak
(pamela anderson jd jubir kfc (kentucky fried cruelty) loh.. kocak abis.. gosip ttg pembunuhan sadis ayam2 broiler .. dia menghasut jg org2 jd vegetarian..)

ada anjing masuk ke sawah..
dihajar tuh anjing sampe lebam2...
lumayan seru kasih makan kucing di bawah..
nyumput2 takut ketauan satpam..

sejumput cacing nemplok di kepala
saingan medusa si kepala ular
taukah anda kenapa?
denda 1 kucing = 10 dollar

ada org digigit ular kadut
dia teriak sambil berkoar-koar
itulah alasan saya takut
6 kucing = 60 dollar!!!

suami2 takut istri
karena suka digebukin sapu lidi
kayanya trial kedua ini
ga selucu yg pertama kali

ada bantal bau apek
gara2 orgnya ngacai kemana-mana
otak mampet kaya pilek
dipaksa kerja ga bisa2

ada boboho minum teh kotak
lu liatin ky mimpi
masi pengen meres otak
mari lanjut berpantun esok hari..

bintang di langit ga mungkin digapai
yu dadah babai......

hello...
today... was great i've done so many things and get so many things to reflect..
=)
i've solved the faxing problem with help of my maid and my mom secretary.. i've done housework..
i've spent so much money on eating.. i've seen a really nice fashion show at school.. many pretty girls were there..
hahhahah
=D

im just realized...
i was walking to the bus stop... waiting for the green light.. then.. 139 bus, as usual passed by in front of my eyes!!! i was quite sad and pissed.. regretting the bus.. so i have to wait for several minutes for another 139 bus..
you know what.. the second bus became better.. im just realized.. sometimes He made us failed or not achieving what we hope to be true... but then.. it doesnt mean you totally failed.. maybe He just asked to wait .. for a better one.. you must be sure another bus will come.. same as your hope.. at least one of those hope will come true .. the thing is you dont know how long you have to wait.. patience.. then see.. =)

second!!
i was just dipped my feet into the pool.. then just play with the water with my hand..
i felt that water can not be grabbed.. you can just try to contain it bare hands.. but how long can you stand holding teh water? at the end the water will escape from tiny holes you made in your hands.. you can just feel the water.. it's there and its cold..
i think its related to understand people and God..
However hard you try to understand them the more you can not understand them.. ( when you tried to squeezed the water.. the water will gone faster, dripping here and there) people's mind and God are full of mystery.. what you know about them is just as scope of water from a pool or sea?? i think the more you try to understand the more you confused .. at the end.. you'll be dissapointed or confused.. how? why? i just feel like so..
e.g: many people try to understand Him in just completely human mind.. (thinker??/ sociologist/whatever they are called) until one day they were stuck with one unanswerable question.. they became depressed and SUICIDE!! with all human mind we can never understand Him completely.. you can know some things about Him but not all.. when you cant find the answer dont keep thinking of it.. accept it or maybe asked other people with better understanding of Him.. He is God.. we can understand what He wants and what He likes/dislikes.. but we can never understand the whole thing of Him... e.g: how He really created this world of imperfection? til now there's no exact evidence to prove how the earth and galaxy was created.. same as friends.. you can know them well.. but how well? even they are so close to you at the end you'll sometimes dont understand them and you can never exactly 'read' their mind.. what you can do is just TRUST.. They are your precious.. and we have to keep them carefully..

for people.. i think God already given us a precious 'gem' inside everybody.. sometimes i 'see' it in them.. but then.. i can never see the gem inside me.. i know we all have including me.. im just can never seen it..
i hope i can see it inside me soon.. when that time comes i must have already accepted my whole self.. but it will take a really long time i think..

watever im talking here are just my random thoughts.. im just happy with it.. and have no regret of sharing it.. thanks to have read my thing.. hope you get something useful from it..
=)
<3 <3 <3
my bad and my good.. so far.. i only can see my bad.. and never my good..

hei...

hari ini bahasa indo ah....
errrmmm.. apa ya??
ga ad topik...

ok.. mari berpantun..
hahahah
=D

ada kucing makan taleus..
buah mangga d kupas abis..
g bosen ama males..
kerjain tugas ga abis2...

si bokir rada conge..
g ngomong ga didenge..
g pikir lu sahabat gue..
tp ternyata ga juga deh..

andai kucing punya sayap..
tom2 d rumah pasti udah terbang..
ketemu Mary sangat mantap
lima menit d suruh pulang..

ayam kampung ayam negeri..
dimutilasi terus dikuliti..
jadi org harus rendah hati..
klo ingin d hormati..

ada tinju g tepis..
ada tendang g tangkis..
masih pengen g nulis2..
tapi ide udah abis..

sumpeh... hari ini blogging terkonyol sepanjang masa!!!
random ma kocak abis.. g kesamber kali y..
hahhaha
=D

hei..
have you ever thought of any place on earth you feel really comfortable and safe?
i just realized..
believe it or not.. my favourite place on earth is my bathroom... i got nothing special inside it..
it's just a small toilet , shower and wastafel.. nothing special..
simple, yet functioning..
i feel save, comfortable and relaxing in the toilet..
no one interrupt you ..
clear of your mind with hot water... sometimes i get ideas there.. thats one more factor i think why i like it..
hahhahah
=D
reflection???
errrrrmmm..
i think what ci ita said is true.. we're all ordinary... like the toilet.. nothing special.. however you feel save etc inside that ordinary room.. i hope i can be someone useful and give others comfort when they need it.. God is the planner.. im just the product.. and you (i dont know who though).. hahahha might be the target HE set for me to serve for Him.. throughout my ordinary and imperfect personality... like an architect/designer set up the interior or product to be marketed for specified market target..

i dont know though.. weird toilet reflection.. hahhaha
=D

well....
today... i dont know why...
feel depressed? pressed??
something is wrong...
but dont know what is that...
ughhhhh...
=( a bit jealous of others work...
please... stabilize yourself and do more work...
please!!!!
no much time left!!!!!!!!!!

hei...
wanna hear any story?
today...
is fine...
nothing special..
but everything i do always wrong...
except: taking letters from the box and washing the dishes..
any other things is wrong...
huff...
im quite tired now...
=.=
plain..................

????

blog describing the owner's better..
at least you express what you think...
i saw other's blog...
some i saw their true colors inside it...
some.. are amazingly unpredictable...
some are emo.. some are happy and full of sweet things.. some are introspective..
for me?
i just write what i think .. and i think it's not interesting at all..
im just an ordinary person without anything special .. personality or even skill..
im just a watcher who see from far..
im a coward who dont dare to speak..
i have nothing positive..
im moody and change easily..
im using different masks ..
i feel guilty .. i hope i can change..
be myself and show my true color..
I hope i can say "i dont care what you see in me"

im a random person who always talking and thinking here and there..
never concentrate 100% ..
lazy and naive?
i think these are some pieces of me..
thanks to all of my friends who has accepted such a boring person like me without any complaints and always made me happy and be there for me whenever i feel sad or troubled..
now i have 2 precious friends.. i hope they never regret make friends with me ..
plus 3 guardians who always keep watching me and be there for me..hahaha..
thanks to all humans who care and love me as their friend, bestfriend(if possible), daughter and sister or whatever family status i am..
special , great thanks to my Father.. who always be at my side.. but sometimes i didnt realized it... He has such a really huge love and affection that comfort me.
deep inside my heart , somewhere, He is there guiding me..
thanks to this blog.. everytime i feel down i write on you and can found Him at the end that can shed my tears , confuse, and dissapointment.
love all of you my friends, my family, and especially for You who always keep watching me from there...
=)

HHAHAHHA =D =.=v

hei...

im happy...
you know what?
my guessing was true
he likes her!!

both of them are in my class...
wohohohooh
=.=...
watch your status and behaviour..
or maybe i'll know something...
hahahha
joking..
it was quite obvious so i knew...
ok...
back to work...
wkwkkwkwkwk
peace....
=.=V

hai my blog...

i should share you this...
rather than sad alone...

i never know what's in your mind...
i wanna know.. but i dont dare to speak.. i think im an outsider the one who doesnt need to know..
i think im quite close to you but actually its not true..
i have no rights to know...
my brain.. please dont be a kepo!!
its none of my bussiness.. and you dont want me to know... so yeah... accept it!!
i hope im a plegmatic (i am... supposed to..)but why this thing never comes out in the right time!!

u r my friend but im not as that close to know...
btw, what's the motive for me to know? gossipping?
i think no... i just wanna know... but then what else?
whats the point?
...................................

its your own fault .. you feel sad in the wrong time... you dont have to.. CANT MAYBE..
You cant said i have the right to know...
case closed... dont be a kepo.. not good..
=)
im not sad anymore...
hahahhah
NATA... I HOPE U R HERE...
SO BORING...
=(

quite a weird day....

since yesterday... there's always a topic of love...
whether it's about a true love or monkey love????
hahhaha

love... what is love?

is this a week from HIM for me to learn and see what is love?

Love... can be dangerous.. i think...
it's sweet and can bring you lots of happiness...
at the same time so much ache and sadness...
what is the purpose of love and loving ? why God created such feeling that is so dangerous?
love someone or something more than love Him...

Oh God.. forgive me for this feeling... if i can .. i choose to have never love anyone in my life except You... it's so hard to get rid of it... by the way.. IM NOT IN LOVE THOUGH... it WAS...
i hope.. i'll never love for anyone TOO DEEPLY (is the grammar correct?) .. too much pain ... i dont dare... im just a crybaby..
let my love to You always take over me and my thoughts...
for conclusion.. i hope my thoughts about love is wrong... but who knows.. lets see tomorrow and so on...

i still wanna write.. what else should i write?
errrrrrrmmmmmmmmm...

i just watched "date night" it's also about LOVE!!
just realized..

why people need love? i think everyone knows the consequences of loving someone.. but why people (including me) still want it? what's so special about it? weird...
i dont believe if in my age there is somebody who NEVER falling in love.. i would amazed...
but if it's happened i feel a bit jealous... she/he may never feel hurt by it.. everyday happy!! no thoughts about losing your loved ones.. that would be WOW!!

i just think...
am i too egoist till i dont want to fall in love?

well... its my thoughts.. and is scattered around.. see my writtings? i'm talking here and there..

or..
am i not mature enough ?
life is not always a happy journey where you can always get what you want.. there's always a pain that you have to feel ... or is it just my thoughts that suffering and pain is exist? but i cant say that suffering is not exist... =.=?? i think the best answer is .. its all up to you and your thoughts to take over your brain to say im happy and feel content , feel i can accept it and i can get something positive over it..to whatever happened... HE is the ONE who always can give us the strength and joy to whatever condition we had..

sorry for my bad english.. i tried to write in english to improve (hopefully) my english...
i still want to write.. but i need to do my work... see you later my blog.. i'll write again maybe in the morning? if i still have energy and mood to write and OBVIOUSLY TOMORROW!!
INTERESTING STORIES WILL COME SOON!!!
NOWWWWW!!!
DO YOUR WORK DUMB!!!
HAHAHHAHAHAH
=D

TODAY.....

THE RED THREAD

there is a red thread...
between her and him....
somehow connected them...
howfar she goes, he will always somehow shown up...
regain all her memories and love story about him...
the tie between them..
weird but amazing...
soulmate?
is it real?
i think it is....
=)
all d best for those im talking about...

hi .....
ermmmmm....
everything u hav now is about choices... It's all about your choosen option.. whether its right or wrong... or relatively right and relatively wrong.. there's nothing in this world is 100% right..n 100%wrong.. there's always 2 sides in a coin.. and that's what a life is.. 100% TRUE AND RIGHT IS HIM!! no one and nothing else.. positively sure about this.... no one else including yourselves that you can trust not to hurt or dissapoint yourselves... It is only HIM whom you can fully trust..

haloooowwww...
aaaahhhh~
so lazy...
im doing my specialism project... however i found that doing research is damn lazy.. im just hoping that i have more spirit in doing all of these... i feel happy in doing it.. but when it comes to find ideas n reasearch?? oh...... damn lazy and stressing.. seems like my energy gone somewhere and there is just lazyness and tiredness left... at the same time i felt that this is my path and im enjoying it.. i'm quite sure.. yeah... God.. please give me more energy to fight my own laziness.. should i sleep now first? sleepy............

who am i? am i having a kind of identity lost or something? or is it just my denial towards myself?

what i want? i'll say i don't know...
but later i know what i want....
why?
why am i this kind of person?

i think what i need is become honest to myself...
i hope by writting this thing can make myself accept myself...
sometimes i love and accept everything but then on other day i will hate myself.... really..............

this is an intro...
am i emo?
hahahha
=D

finally.....

hari pertama terciptanya blog...
ga pernah kpikiran bkin bginian... mudah2an ini bs jalan
hahahha
=D