today, i stayed at home wholeeee day.
my ass in pain.
was.
today, i felt tired of doing, continuing this studio stuff. im feeling.. i m not sure what is this feeling?
jah.. waht did i wanna say today?
well, life is sometimes is a bitch. again, u'll never know whats beneath somebody's heart and mind. unless u r freaking good in body language. which is quite annoying i suppose if u really do think what u know is the best precise thing and exactly correct judgement. i was bitching. coz i was not able to take it anymore for some time just now. but yeah, watever, now its all over.
even the tamest face on earth, the most gullible mind on earth will one day bitch about even their closest person ever on earth. even though u told this to other people he/she didnt know. but still, isnt it bitching as well? i am just saying the truth, but every girl is a bitch, guys as well i guess. its just u dont know when they become one, including this bitch here. happy bitching day. niteeee..
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
i hate me sometimes
some other thoughts abt maybe future.
im currently studying in sg. quite some distance from home. im almost graduate, and im just worried abt the future. my dad expect me like totally to get a job here. n i knw him well, he would not be nice if i didnt get any. i want to get a job here too. but i dont know whether i will get it since the foreign policy come out.
second, i was actually feeling burdened, i felt that i "float". at home, i have friends but maybe needed to be considered when they all have the other part of their heart, nothing will ever be the same. so does my sist, she wont be as fun as now especially when we are singles and counted as "kids" still. In sg, everything seemed to be just a mere fantasy. friends come and goes, my aunt is here but when her daughter is here, i dont think it will be that same anymore. aunt is still aunt. she is not my mother either.
other side of this floating phenomenon, is that i know my future in sg seemed to be working for others, unless god has other plan for me. in indo, i heard, a lot graduates in bandung are not able to support their own life, which i think, WTF. sorry for that words but i dont think we all should be like taht. it is not responsible. and i dont to be one of them. such a shame.
third, when i go home, i would maybe ard 23-24? which my parents wuld expect me to find a guy seriously for marriage i suppose, impossible to not be warned abt this matter anyways. we are asians still. i would just came back from sg if i did a get a job here, and if i cant find my own, they would find me one maybe. dont know. or lets say, 23-24 i am still in sg, no boyfriend also? it would be even worse. one part after marriage life, u need to have kids, deliver a baby, nurture them and teach them not to be such a shame. behave well, grow old with the usually become omg, how am i married this guy.., sick, go to wishfully heaven. i should go to heaven, unless i believe in the wrong God whom i believed the right one.
before i end my life one day, i want to be proud of whatever i have achieved. at least i dont want to be a shame for my parents. i have succesful job, good kids and they could be someone succesful also. maybe grandchildren? i would be also proud if i can be a good God's hand on earth too. but i doubt myself so.
sorry about such indecisive minds. its like i dont want this, i dont want that, so what do u want!
i want to be a guy sometimes, they would be more carefree. because they are designed to be so. not so emotional and sensitive. sometimes its sucks to be a girl. i hate this kind of feeling watever u call this. i want to be this person who are trully cheerful throughout their lifes and happy. which i think would almost be impossible. if there is this person, i wuld be jealous of this also. wtf self.
these all thigns are not yet happened but it is so bugging that i need to be responsible for whatever u called these things are. i hate this feeling. sad, angry, powerless. i hate that i always doubt myself, wtf me. i want to be able to say i can and it wuld happen as i say. but im too scared if i fail or not doing what i said. wth me. i hate u sometimes
im currently studying in sg. quite some distance from home. im almost graduate, and im just worried abt the future. my dad expect me like totally to get a job here. n i knw him well, he would not be nice if i didnt get any. i want to get a job here too. but i dont know whether i will get it since the foreign policy come out.
second, i was actually feeling burdened, i felt that i "float". at home, i have friends but maybe needed to be considered when they all have the other part of their heart, nothing will ever be the same. so does my sist, she wont be as fun as now especially when we are singles and counted as "kids" still. In sg, everything seemed to be just a mere fantasy. friends come and goes, my aunt is here but when her daughter is here, i dont think it will be that same anymore. aunt is still aunt. she is not my mother either.
other side of this floating phenomenon, is that i know my future in sg seemed to be working for others, unless god has other plan for me. in indo, i heard, a lot graduates in bandung are not able to support their own life, which i think, WTF. sorry for that words but i dont think we all should be like taht. it is not responsible. and i dont to be one of them. such a shame.
third, when i go home, i would maybe ard 23-24? which my parents wuld expect me to find a guy seriously for marriage i suppose, impossible to not be warned abt this matter anyways. we are asians still. i would just came back from sg if i did a get a job here, and if i cant find my own, they would find me one maybe. dont know. or lets say, 23-24 i am still in sg, no boyfriend also? it would be even worse. one part after marriage life, u need to have kids, deliver a baby, nurture them and teach them not to be such a shame. behave well, grow old with the usually become omg, how am i married this guy.., sick, go to wishfully heaven. i should go to heaven, unless i believe in the wrong God whom i believed the right one.
before i end my life one day, i want to be proud of whatever i have achieved. at least i dont want to be a shame for my parents. i have succesful job, good kids and they could be someone succesful also. maybe grandchildren? i would be also proud if i can be a good God's hand on earth too. but i doubt myself so.
sorry about such indecisive minds. its like i dont want this, i dont want that, so what do u want!
i want to be a guy sometimes, they would be more carefree. because they are designed to be so. not so emotional and sensitive. sometimes its sucks to be a girl. i hate this kind of feeling watever u call this. i want to be this person who are trully cheerful throughout their lifes and happy. which i think would almost be impossible. if there is this person, i wuld be jealous of this also. wtf self.
these all thigns are not yet happened but it is so bugging that i need to be responsible for whatever u called these things are. i hate this feeling. sad, angry, powerless. i hate that i always doubt myself, wtf me. i want to be able to say i can and it wuld happen as i say. but im too scared if i fail or not doing what i said. wth me. i hate u sometimes
it is all because of yellow.
today, is my silent day
havent talked to people verbally more than 10 words. well maybe for some people, there is nothing special abt it, but for me, yeah.. pretty much rare.
ytd was horrible.
my day started with a flooding aircon in the morning. lucky, my laptop is on the top of some cooler. or else, bye dear
i didnt think abt anything
then the day just gone after consulting with my teacher.. i ate lunch, then do some compiling shit for assesment testing. after i finished i just went to the printing shop. it was raaining, i bring my umbrella. not a prob. I went to d shop, and it was sssoooo crowded with upcoming assesment for other faculties the next or nxt 2 days. i waited 45-1 hour waiting to get my data in the computer. the shopkeeper said, just come back at 9. well. ok. as long as it finished.
i continued my work at school. time flies quite fast. then it was 9.30pm. i went to d shop n tried to look for my stuuff. it was not yet printed. inside my heart, "ok...". i said could u please help me print mine? i waited from 5 n u said i should come back at 9, pleaseee.." half an hour gone. my stuff is not yet printed. finally they printed mine. suddenly there was error in the machine... i said: "so how?" then he said come back in half an hour. then i came back at ard 11.30 something? i just went inside. staring and i was pissed. it printing was not yet done, but they did somebody else's i dont know fucking whose!!
i told them, so how? then he said we are trying blablabla. i just went outside, i was so pissed, i cant hold anymore. i cried and went to buy a drink. then i enter the shop again. i was trying not to look like crying anymore. but when the other shopkeeper asked me to come inside and my thing is not yet ready and the printer is still not work well for mine, i cant hold my tears anymore. in front of some customers and the shopkeepers i burst into tears and i cant stop it in 10-15 minutes. the shopkeeper was feeling bad n tried to calm me down.
after that cry incident i was trying to get myself together. all the unseen stress and sadness, unlucky feeling, washed away by the rain and stupid tears. it was my first real cry ever this year. i seriously never cried that bad till ytd. GOOD, because of that cry they tried hard with my printing, then funny that the owner gave me a drink for feeling bad.
the print was finished not as nice as expected, the yellow become light green. but i was so tired to expect the yelow to come out. it was 1.30 am n i got my stuff printed and rolled up.
loooonng, sad day, but not really that sad though. having fun at school, interior studio.
lesson, dont be last minute. lucky that i didnt print near my assesment day yet, if yeah. i'll not only cried. maybe would be my first, collapse.
shit happens sometimes. but i still think, it meant good.
havent talked to people verbally more than 10 words. well maybe for some people, there is nothing special abt it, but for me, yeah.. pretty much rare.
ytd was horrible.
my day started with a flooding aircon in the morning. lucky, my laptop is on the top of some cooler. or else, bye dear
i didnt think abt anything
then the day just gone after consulting with my teacher.. i ate lunch, then do some compiling shit for assesment testing. after i finished i just went to the printing shop. it was raaining, i bring my umbrella. not a prob. I went to d shop, and it was sssoooo crowded with upcoming assesment for other faculties the next or nxt 2 days. i waited 45-1 hour waiting to get my data in the computer. the shopkeeper said, just come back at 9. well. ok. as long as it finished.
i continued my work at school. time flies quite fast. then it was 9.30pm. i went to d shop n tried to look for my stuuff. it was not yet printed. inside my heart, "ok...". i said could u please help me print mine? i waited from 5 n u said i should come back at 9, pleaseee.." half an hour gone. my stuff is not yet printed. finally they printed mine. suddenly there was error in the machine... i said: "so how?" then he said come back in half an hour. then i came back at ard 11.30 something? i just went inside. staring and i was pissed. it printing was not yet done, but they did somebody else's i dont know fucking whose!!
i told them, so how? then he said we are trying blablabla. i just went outside, i was so pissed, i cant hold anymore. i cried and went to buy a drink. then i enter the shop again. i was trying not to look like crying anymore. but when the other shopkeeper asked me to come inside and my thing is not yet ready and the printer is still not work well for mine, i cant hold my tears anymore. in front of some customers and the shopkeepers i burst into tears and i cant stop it in 10-15 minutes. the shopkeeper was feeling bad n tried to calm me down.
after that cry incident i was trying to get myself together. all the unseen stress and sadness, unlucky feeling, washed away by the rain and stupid tears. it was my first real cry ever this year. i seriously never cried that bad till ytd. GOOD, because of that cry they tried hard with my printing, then funny that the owner gave me a drink for feeling bad.
the print was finished not as nice as expected, the yellow become light green. but i was so tired to expect the yelow to come out. it was 1.30 am n i got my stuff printed and rolled up.
loooonng, sad day, but not really that sad though. having fun at school, interior studio.
lesson, dont be last minute. lucky that i didnt print near my assesment day yet, if yeah. i'll not only cried. maybe would be my first, collapse.
shit happens sometimes. but i still think, it meant good.
Monday, November 12, 2012
motivation.beliefs.hope
i was just thinking while doing my work.
i do adore people with high-spirit when one, believe in themselves. what they do they believe in it. i think its the most important thing that people forget. to believe in what they think, do, and say. it pushes one to do things sincerely and responsibly besides, even powerful enough to convince the rest of the world to have the same belief as you do.
beliefs, values, are intangible (i hope i use this vocab correctly) things that are unarguably hard to decipher. but do affect the way we do, think, behave, maybe even breathe or sleep. for me, sometimes i find it hard to believe in my thoughts, i am not that optimistic. but yeah, i have to try to be the opposite. at the same time it becomes a hope that u would like to hold on, achieve in the pursuit of valueable life.
a good book that i read for my project called "the age of speed" explained the how the fast-paced society had changed people's mindset to achieve as much values as they lived. Because of the time constraint people try as hard as they can to maximalize whatever they would like to be able to do for such a meaningful life. i felt lucky, i knew God, i have something which can support and hold on to. i may not have such a hard life as maybe other people do. and maybe for some people whom think, "hey (bitch) u have such a good life. no wonder u said so. u dont know how much i have been through and no one is there for me! the only thing i can count on, is myself. no other." in some ways yeah, this thought is true. but i do personally believe, there is always a reason behind everything that happened to us. the biggest question, for what? i have no idea too. yet hopely..
good day everyone. =)
i do adore people with high-spirit when one, believe in themselves. what they do they believe in it. i think its the most important thing that people forget. to believe in what they think, do, and say. it pushes one to do things sincerely and responsibly besides, even powerful enough to convince the rest of the world to have the same belief as you do.
beliefs, values, are intangible (i hope i use this vocab correctly) things that are unarguably hard to decipher. but do affect the way we do, think, behave, maybe even breathe or sleep. for me, sometimes i find it hard to believe in my thoughts, i am not that optimistic. but yeah, i have to try to be the opposite. at the same time it becomes a hope that u would like to hold on, achieve in the pursuit of valueable life.
a good book that i read for my project called "the age of speed" explained the how the fast-paced society had changed people's mindset to achieve as much values as they lived. Because of the time constraint people try as hard as they can to maximalize whatever they would like to be able to do for such a meaningful life. i felt lucky, i knew God, i have something which can support and hold on to. i may not have such a hard life as maybe other people do. and maybe for some people whom think, "hey (bitch) u have such a good life. no wonder u said so. u dont know how much i have been through and no one is there for me! the only thing i can count on, is myself. no other." in some ways yeah, this thought is true. but i do personally believe, there is always a reason behind everything that happened to us. the biggest question, for what? i have no idea too. yet hopely..
good day everyone. =)
Friday, November 9, 2012
we are born liars.
brain, heart and mind, are the most mysterious thing ever been created.
they are complex, and often keep a lot of secrets.
but, that is the joy, isnt it?
one should have a secret, at least one thing that nobody on this earth knows it.
that is how u kept alive i suppose, some secret are big, some are small and insignificant.
but that is the whole point of being a human i guess.
we are all liars, we do are lying often, to protect ourselves of being hurt. even though u r saying i dont want the others to get hurt, but deep inside, it always been you whom dont want to be hurt through the implication of the event predicted to happen. well, we are liars, born liars.
Monday, November 5, 2012
miss me please?
just thinking...
i read an article by Donald A.Norman, "Selective Memory". Was a great article i suppose, he explained that people live by their memory. Which i totally agree. The way we judge, think, feel, all based on the memory of the past that became knowledge and understanding for us to live our lives. If memory is not important, i dont think for people whose family member suffered from alzheimer and all those memory sickness kinda thing, would not be suffering and significantly being afraid about. We'll think, alzheimer is like a flu or something. ahahhaha
well anway, was just thinking. i miss people sometimes. but sadly, and me myself never believe anyone else except myself missing other people, especially when people say, "i miss u" it is just feel so unreal. somehow. maybe i just havent found the one? but really, sorry friends, i dont really believe u guys when u guys says i miss u. i dont like to lie, so yeah, i rarely saying this sentence unless it feels like so. Back to the point previously anyways, i am sad that nobody miss me sometimes. it feels like, im so insignificant, which if i just in anyways dead, nobody i dont think anyone will really cried for me. sometimes it is just felt like so.
Been saying suicidal stuff lately. but yeah, dont worry, im not committing suicide. NO, yow! Good nite. may all the love and care from the heaven erase all the guilt and worries instead, covering you with all its warmth in the cold nite.... GOOOODDDD NITEEEE! ADIOSSS!
i read an article by Donald A.Norman, "Selective Memory". Was a great article i suppose, he explained that people live by their memory. Which i totally agree. The way we judge, think, feel, all based on the memory of the past that became knowledge and understanding for us to live our lives. If memory is not important, i dont think for people whose family member suffered from alzheimer and all those memory sickness kinda thing, would not be suffering and significantly being afraid about. We'll think, alzheimer is like a flu or something. ahahhaha
well anway, was just thinking. i miss people sometimes. but sadly, and me myself never believe anyone else except myself missing other people, especially when people say, "i miss u" it is just feel so unreal. somehow. maybe i just havent found the one? but really, sorry friends, i dont really believe u guys when u guys says i miss u. i dont like to lie, so yeah, i rarely saying this sentence unless it feels like so. Back to the point previously anyways, i am sad that nobody miss me sometimes. it feels like, im so insignificant, which if i just in anyways dead, nobody i dont think anyone will really cried for me. sometimes it is just felt like so.
Been saying suicidal stuff lately. but yeah, dont worry, im not committing suicide. NO, yow! Good nite. may all the love and care from the heaven erase all the guilt and worries instead, covering you with all its warmth in the cold nite.... GOOOODDDD NITEEEE! ADIOSSS!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
bidubidubiduuuuu~~
aiyeee!
good nite all!
i wanna share some of the joy i had today.
well, i started my day at 7, wake up, brush my teeth, use my clothes and go to church. it was not great a great service just now. im sorry but the preacher today is sooo shallow. well, been quite sometime, everytime he preached, always been so lame. =.=, im sorrry dear preacher.
then the day ticking away, i went for a gallery seating from 11- 3pm. i just did a very little work there today. yeah, ok i think. then i continued my day to go for Indo students outing. was fun! our group won a "cooking"/"decorating" bread contest. our group made "shredded chicken milo" which was...
AWESOME
LOL
we ate, chat, with quite a lot of people today from other division as well. I reached home 20:21. bathe. then chit chat with my roomies, then my mom called.. which answered alllll my sadness or maybe emptiness that i had these few days.
talking to her, was really soothing. she understands, then yeah, sounds like home.
=) we talked for an hour. an hour of simple blessing. love u mom
good nite all!
i wanna share some of the joy i had today.
well, i started my day at 7, wake up, brush my teeth, use my clothes and go to church. it was not great a great service just now. im sorry but the preacher today is sooo shallow. well, been quite sometime, everytime he preached, always been so lame. =.=, im sorrry dear preacher.
then the day ticking away, i went for a gallery seating from 11- 3pm. i just did a very little work there today. yeah, ok i think. then i continued my day to go for Indo students outing. was fun! our group won a "cooking"/"decorating" bread contest. our group made "shredded chicken milo" which was...
AWESOME
LOL
we ate, chat, with quite a lot of people today from other division as well. I reached home 20:21. bathe. then chit chat with my roomies, then my mom called.. which answered alllll my sadness or maybe emptiness that i had these few days.
talking to her, was really soothing. she understands, then yeah, sounds like home.
=) we talked for an hour. an hour of simple blessing. love u mom
Friday, November 2, 2012
10:25pm
I dont know exactly why?
i was ok the whole day..
till nw suddenly i just mysteriously without any reason feel so annoyed.. seriously. gosh. i cant do my work.
i was ok the whole day..
till nw suddenly i just mysteriously without any reason feel so annoyed.. seriously. gosh. i cant do my work.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
I THOUGHT MY BOSS HAS CHANGED, EVENTUALLY, NOPE AT ALL
SOME TIPS AS A GOOD FREAKING BOSS:
- BE ON TIME, EVEN THOUGH U R MEETING UR EMPLOYEE.
- MAKE HIM/HER FEEL NEEDED, APPRECIATION. ACT REAL.
- ASK PROPERLY, WHO NEEDS WHO? WELL, FOR THIS ONE, I NEED THEM TOO.
I KNW U R A BOSS, N HAVE MONEY TO PAY ME ALL THAT. BUT PLEASE. ACT PROFESSIONALLY.
- BE ON TIME, EVEN THOUGH U R MEETING UR EMPLOYEE.
- MAKE HIM/HER FEEL NEEDED, APPRECIATION. ACT REAL.
- ASK PROPERLY, WHO NEEDS WHO? WELL, FOR THIS ONE, I NEED THEM TOO.
I KNW U R A BOSS, N HAVE MONEY TO PAY ME ALL THAT. BUT PLEASE. ACT PROFESSIONALLY.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)