abouuuttttt yesterday i think

it is weird. i started to just let him go. but seems like he get even closer to me i guess? we talked we laughed we just become friends i guess. hopefully it would keep good this way.  at least i know he is not mad or avoid me. we had simply a foolish discussion about girls should chase or give hints to guys. instead of chasing they dont mind being chased instead. i was like, "so you felt like a king huh?"
lol. my ex-crush nod and laugh. like, what the hell! what is that suppose to meannn? there were 4 of us that day anyways.. but it shows that, guys maybe have changed. the idea of girls being pursued kinda rare unless u r damn desirable i think. i dont know. im new in this game tho. About sunday, it is kinda cute, he suddenly just approached me and say, hi kem. wow, kinda rare... all the awkwardness come by again. hahahah

orrrrrrr,
maybe actually attracted to this girl next to me? her name is E. we call her E.. . i saw him sat next to her one moment when i was busy somewhere talking to other people. she is very kind, mature, like to laugh and smile, so calm. unlike me. im totally the opposite, have i no chance? shit. square 1. no no no. im good with myself. im good if we r just friends. im gonna be a i dont know.. hahahaha.

healing..

today is not bad at all.
quite tense at the beginning, but yeah, today i managed to get my aircon fixed, get a problem solved, do my project, last but not least, i found that i like myself a bit more today. Achievements? even though there is nothing big about it but i dont feel that moment that i became so sad over unreciprocated love over my crush.

i think i can turn my page to the next pretty soon. =)
a stranger, not really a stranger i suppose, she knows me bcoz she knows my mom anyways, hopefully, mom didnt make me firstly sound soooo sad or pitiful. reason being, i think should be kept as a secret yet.

i still kept talking abt "him" to my friends, and it makes me happy though, which at the same time, makes me healed faster i guess because when u talk abt  it a loooot u realized, it was, not it is. That's why, it does work for me. I realized it was fun and change me i think a bit. nothing bad about falling in love. even though at the end you may not get what you want, but who cares!

im not trying to sell or oversell myself as well, maybe more likely motivate myself? it is okay u didnt like me as much as i do but you'll regret that because i just realized, i have high tolerance as a person (im not joking, i just realized), i can stand most kind of people, i think im kinda good in becoming a communicator between boss n seller/ something like that. i love people. im gonna be prettier i wish! i am kinda person who will finish what she starts, she would have bigger will and heart to be a better person. missing me, is your loss.

game?
restart? continue?
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
0 game over.
restart?

yes.
=)

a lot like love , the pursuit of happiness review

these 2 movies were awesomeee
totally make my day. =)

the pursuit of happiness make me realized that i have to work harder for whatever i dream. be smart and dont always cried unless its necessary. there is always a way to survive if u want it so bad. If u really want it, u will work 3-4 times harder n sometimes, take a risk, but be smart! =)

secondly, a lot like love make me learn that ur so called destined person will make its way if u r destined to be together. there is no rush needed at the end, they will get back together again. i was so touched because the guy was so nerdy and the girl was so cool but yeah, she was a bitch. but in 6 years, they both changed in a good way. =)

who is my destiny? wondering, will i as well meet him like in some random airport? having some random strolls together, fling in summer relationship status but always be able to get back to our own path and at the end get back together again?

those 2 are should watch movies lads..
;)

suddenly i got a text regarding a show. it makes me urrghhh!!! i dont know why i feel so angry about it, well my crush. he seriously, i dont know whether he is avoiding me or what?? i seriously feel like punching him.
PMS IS BETTER. Makes me feel like myself more. GOOD self! u should be so! i think im moving on. hopefully.. hopefully..

i feel like exploding

i feel like exploding
i feel like exploding
i feel like exploding

it is okay self, chill. now do what you need to do. do according to ur plan, later on juggle ok? everything is gg to be settled. sooner or later. do slowly one by one. concentrate, ditch the rest and come back later.

MONDAY 13TH
1. recheck ur studio 1pm-3pm
2. update behance 4-6pm
3. excersice 7-9pm
go home 9-10
4. iaf fucking schedule 10-12pm
5. promote iaf. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. LOL.. YAYYY!

TUESDAY 14TH
10.30am -school
10.30am-11am printing poster

1. recheck ur studio 11AM-3pm

2. update behance 4-6pm

3. excersice 7-9pm

wow. sounds a lot to me... sounds like a plan though lol
why do i want to explode?
nothing is finish or progressing
i keep thinking but did nothing to it
things coming up more
i need to sell tickets, duty for me.
=.=' contacting people sometimes makes you crazy

a bit of reflection of myself today.

loadss of things really happening around you. If only you get yourself dirty and yeah dipped ur hands in it. It is just a matter of involvement indeed. Sometimes im just feeling im not giving in my all. my spirit is like a fire, sometimes burns sometimes not. well, im not sure basically of myself. have i given my best in all i did? or simply i just give up and jump to some other thing like a child gets bored in what she likes. i feel bad abt myself. im kinda undependable, less spirited, dumb kinda, emotional. all that shit ...

i need to be more passionate in whatever i do. do things with all ur heart. God, let me learn the lessons. 

=)

hi again,

i felt happy today. sort of. my day ended nicely with a heart warming story from an aunty i just met on the lift. its kinda heart warming in such a small but extremely "cold" city like this, an aunty still cares about others. She brought some leftovers from the restaurant that she worked and given them to the people in the neighbourhood whom are not that lucky. It was such a great story i guess.

Makes me think, sometimes what u might need to make urself happy is a simple thought of caring about others. Make a difference for them =).  A side of my mind was saying that I need to have a good financial security in my life. I wanted to do this. to do that. well, again, yeah, i think it just makes me think. how am i gg to make my life more meaningful? maybe... happier? =)

its totally over

i think my crush avoiding me like hell now. im kinda a bit heartbroken though. I tried, but yeah, he had never been interested in me in the first place i think. i scared him really.

i deleted wahtever there in my phone. i still have his number, but i wont easily contacted him anymore. enough breaking your heart my dear sweetie. enough. u tried, but yeah, the answer is no no. He just cant take u of who u r though. so yeah, but u r gg to be fine. u r strong! he is just not that guy ok? u r just assuming, u know. u tried, but yeah, it didnt work. dont mess ard anymore. stop hurting yourself. stop choking urself with this guy who dont really care about you anymore. you stupid girl. indeed really stupid. its gg to take a while, but yeah, no worries, i think God prepared somebody else for me. =) 

God, just help me not to hurt myself anymore. just heal this crack. lol. let me just forget. let me get up and fly again. =) Thanks god!!