it eases my mind to look at my past, happy pictures in my fb. Smiles, laughters and friends. I felt so content. My heart felt warmer. I dont need a thousand people to care or love me. Just a few. Would do. I felt lonely. I know one of my friend cares. However, she cared for me too much and with such care I felt I should not burden her with such problems of uncertainty of mine. I just need a break. But i have no idea where to find it right now. I felt quite tired, mentally. Nobody knows my burden or is it me who just being tooooo sensitive or not tough? I want to runaway for a while.
Few possibilities which relates to the future I suppose. I am not so sure what to do. One choice leads to the other, I dont want to make my parents dissapointed in me. I have my own responsibility and pride as well, i dont want to be such a burden for them too. Some people being allowed to chill. For me, nope. I had no choice right now. My dad seemed like wanted me to stay where i am now. But logic and evidence said, it is going to be tough. I need advisors. i am confused. like, really.
Seems like i dont have faith. Faith dont come on its own and says, hey, you come here, work here and all. You need to know the radar. Where does it goes and receive it in a correct way. I cant tell my so called "sisters" in church. They said, pray and do your best. I did my best. I applied to over 100 companies which have not exactly any replies. nobody wants to hear complaints. It is like fuck this shit.
I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD TAKE THE RISK OR JUST BE AN OPPORTUNISTS. FUCK THIS SHIT. AFTER I COME OUT OF THIS TUNNEL I SURELY 100 THOUSANDS TIME STRONGER. FUCKKKKK!!!!! I WONT COVER THIS FUCKING SWEARING! FUCCCCCKKKK YOUUUU! IT REFERS TO NO ONE THOUGH. I DONT BLAME GOD OR ANYONE. FUCK YOUUUU~~~ FUCK U VERY VERY MUCH~~~~
so good. =)
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