today, i stayed at home wholeeee day.
my ass in pain.
was.
today, i felt tired of doing, continuing this studio stuff. im feeling.. i m not sure what is this feeling?
jah.. waht did i wanna say today?
well, life is sometimes is a bitch. again, u'll never know whats beneath somebody's heart and mind. unless u r freaking good in body language. which is quite annoying i suppose if u really do think what u know is the best precise thing and exactly correct judgement. i was bitching. coz i was not able to take it anymore for some time just now. but yeah, watever, now its all over.
even the tamest face on earth, the most gullible mind on earth will one day bitch about even their closest person ever on earth. even though u told this to other people he/she didnt know. but still, isnt it bitching as well? i am just saying the truth, but every girl is a bitch, guys as well i guess. its just u dont know when they become one, including this bitch here. happy bitching day. niteeee..
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
i hate me sometimes
some other thoughts abt maybe future.
im currently studying in sg. quite some distance from home. im almost graduate, and im just worried abt the future. my dad expect me like totally to get a job here. n i knw him well, he would not be nice if i didnt get any. i want to get a job here too. but i dont know whether i will get it since the foreign policy come out.
second, i was actually feeling burdened, i felt that i "float". at home, i have friends but maybe needed to be considered when they all have the other part of their heart, nothing will ever be the same. so does my sist, she wont be as fun as now especially when we are singles and counted as "kids" still. In sg, everything seemed to be just a mere fantasy. friends come and goes, my aunt is here but when her daughter is here, i dont think it will be that same anymore. aunt is still aunt. she is not my mother either.
other side of this floating phenomenon, is that i know my future in sg seemed to be working for others, unless god has other plan for me. in indo, i heard, a lot graduates in bandung are not able to support their own life, which i think, WTF. sorry for that words but i dont think we all should be like taht. it is not responsible. and i dont to be one of them. such a shame.
third, when i go home, i would maybe ard 23-24? which my parents wuld expect me to find a guy seriously for marriage i suppose, impossible to not be warned abt this matter anyways. we are asians still. i would just came back from sg if i did a get a job here, and if i cant find my own, they would find me one maybe. dont know. or lets say, 23-24 i am still in sg, no boyfriend also? it would be even worse. one part after marriage life, u need to have kids, deliver a baby, nurture them and teach them not to be such a shame. behave well, grow old with the usually become omg, how am i married this guy.., sick, go to wishfully heaven. i should go to heaven, unless i believe in the wrong God whom i believed the right one.
before i end my life one day, i want to be proud of whatever i have achieved. at least i dont want to be a shame for my parents. i have succesful job, good kids and they could be someone succesful also. maybe grandchildren? i would be also proud if i can be a good God's hand on earth too. but i doubt myself so.
sorry about such indecisive minds. its like i dont want this, i dont want that, so what do u want!
i want to be a guy sometimes, they would be more carefree. because they are designed to be so. not so emotional and sensitive. sometimes its sucks to be a girl. i hate this kind of feeling watever u call this. i want to be this person who are trully cheerful throughout their lifes and happy. which i think would almost be impossible. if there is this person, i wuld be jealous of this also. wtf self.
these all thigns are not yet happened but it is so bugging that i need to be responsible for whatever u called these things are. i hate this feeling. sad, angry, powerless. i hate that i always doubt myself, wtf me. i want to be able to say i can and it wuld happen as i say. but im too scared if i fail or not doing what i said. wth me. i hate u sometimes
im currently studying in sg. quite some distance from home. im almost graduate, and im just worried abt the future. my dad expect me like totally to get a job here. n i knw him well, he would not be nice if i didnt get any. i want to get a job here too. but i dont know whether i will get it since the foreign policy come out.
second, i was actually feeling burdened, i felt that i "float". at home, i have friends but maybe needed to be considered when they all have the other part of their heart, nothing will ever be the same. so does my sist, she wont be as fun as now especially when we are singles and counted as "kids" still. In sg, everything seemed to be just a mere fantasy. friends come and goes, my aunt is here but when her daughter is here, i dont think it will be that same anymore. aunt is still aunt. she is not my mother either.
other side of this floating phenomenon, is that i know my future in sg seemed to be working for others, unless god has other plan for me. in indo, i heard, a lot graduates in bandung are not able to support their own life, which i think, WTF. sorry for that words but i dont think we all should be like taht. it is not responsible. and i dont to be one of them. such a shame.
third, when i go home, i would maybe ard 23-24? which my parents wuld expect me to find a guy seriously for marriage i suppose, impossible to not be warned abt this matter anyways. we are asians still. i would just came back from sg if i did a get a job here, and if i cant find my own, they would find me one maybe. dont know. or lets say, 23-24 i am still in sg, no boyfriend also? it would be even worse. one part after marriage life, u need to have kids, deliver a baby, nurture them and teach them not to be such a shame. behave well, grow old with the usually become omg, how am i married this guy.., sick, go to wishfully heaven. i should go to heaven, unless i believe in the wrong God whom i believed the right one.
before i end my life one day, i want to be proud of whatever i have achieved. at least i dont want to be a shame for my parents. i have succesful job, good kids and they could be someone succesful also. maybe grandchildren? i would be also proud if i can be a good God's hand on earth too. but i doubt myself so.
sorry about such indecisive minds. its like i dont want this, i dont want that, so what do u want!
i want to be a guy sometimes, they would be more carefree. because they are designed to be so. not so emotional and sensitive. sometimes its sucks to be a girl. i hate this kind of feeling watever u call this. i want to be this person who are trully cheerful throughout their lifes and happy. which i think would almost be impossible. if there is this person, i wuld be jealous of this also. wtf self.
these all thigns are not yet happened but it is so bugging that i need to be responsible for whatever u called these things are. i hate this feeling. sad, angry, powerless. i hate that i always doubt myself, wtf me. i want to be able to say i can and it wuld happen as i say. but im too scared if i fail or not doing what i said. wth me. i hate u sometimes
it is all because of yellow.
today, is my silent day
havent talked to people verbally more than 10 words. well maybe for some people, there is nothing special abt it, but for me, yeah.. pretty much rare.
ytd was horrible.
my day started with a flooding aircon in the morning. lucky, my laptop is on the top of some cooler. or else, bye dear
i didnt think abt anything
then the day just gone after consulting with my teacher.. i ate lunch, then do some compiling shit for assesment testing. after i finished i just went to the printing shop. it was raaining, i bring my umbrella. not a prob. I went to d shop, and it was sssoooo crowded with upcoming assesment for other faculties the next or nxt 2 days. i waited 45-1 hour waiting to get my data in the computer. the shopkeeper said, just come back at 9. well. ok. as long as it finished.
i continued my work at school. time flies quite fast. then it was 9.30pm. i went to d shop n tried to look for my stuuff. it was not yet printed. inside my heart, "ok...". i said could u please help me print mine? i waited from 5 n u said i should come back at 9, pleaseee.." half an hour gone. my stuff is not yet printed. finally they printed mine. suddenly there was error in the machine... i said: "so how?" then he said come back in half an hour. then i came back at ard 11.30 something? i just went inside. staring and i was pissed. it printing was not yet done, but they did somebody else's i dont know fucking whose!!
i told them, so how? then he said we are trying blablabla. i just went outside, i was so pissed, i cant hold anymore. i cried and went to buy a drink. then i enter the shop again. i was trying not to look like crying anymore. but when the other shopkeeper asked me to come inside and my thing is not yet ready and the printer is still not work well for mine, i cant hold my tears anymore. in front of some customers and the shopkeepers i burst into tears and i cant stop it in 10-15 minutes. the shopkeeper was feeling bad n tried to calm me down.
after that cry incident i was trying to get myself together. all the unseen stress and sadness, unlucky feeling, washed away by the rain and stupid tears. it was my first real cry ever this year. i seriously never cried that bad till ytd. GOOD, because of that cry they tried hard with my printing, then funny that the owner gave me a drink for feeling bad.
the print was finished not as nice as expected, the yellow become light green. but i was so tired to expect the yelow to come out. it was 1.30 am n i got my stuff printed and rolled up.
loooonng, sad day, but not really that sad though. having fun at school, interior studio.
lesson, dont be last minute. lucky that i didnt print near my assesment day yet, if yeah. i'll not only cried. maybe would be my first, collapse.
shit happens sometimes. but i still think, it meant good.
havent talked to people verbally more than 10 words. well maybe for some people, there is nothing special abt it, but for me, yeah.. pretty much rare.
ytd was horrible.
my day started with a flooding aircon in the morning. lucky, my laptop is on the top of some cooler. or else, bye dear
i didnt think abt anything
then the day just gone after consulting with my teacher.. i ate lunch, then do some compiling shit for assesment testing. after i finished i just went to the printing shop. it was raaining, i bring my umbrella. not a prob. I went to d shop, and it was sssoooo crowded with upcoming assesment for other faculties the next or nxt 2 days. i waited 45-1 hour waiting to get my data in the computer. the shopkeeper said, just come back at 9. well. ok. as long as it finished.
i continued my work at school. time flies quite fast. then it was 9.30pm. i went to d shop n tried to look for my stuuff. it was not yet printed. inside my heart, "ok...". i said could u please help me print mine? i waited from 5 n u said i should come back at 9, pleaseee.." half an hour gone. my stuff is not yet printed. finally they printed mine. suddenly there was error in the machine... i said: "so how?" then he said come back in half an hour. then i came back at ard 11.30 something? i just went inside. staring and i was pissed. it printing was not yet done, but they did somebody else's i dont know fucking whose!!
i told them, so how? then he said we are trying blablabla. i just went outside, i was so pissed, i cant hold anymore. i cried and went to buy a drink. then i enter the shop again. i was trying not to look like crying anymore. but when the other shopkeeper asked me to come inside and my thing is not yet ready and the printer is still not work well for mine, i cant hold my tears anymore. in front of some customers and the shopkeepers i burst into tears and i cant stop it in 10-15 minutes. the shopkeeper was feeling bad n tried to calm me down.
after that cry incident i was trying to get myself together. all the unseen stress and sadness, unlucky feeling, washed away by the rain and stupid tears. it was my first real cry ever this year. i seriously never cried that bad till ytd. GOOD, because of that cry they tried hard with my printing, then funny that the owner gave me a drink for feeling bad.
the print was finished not as nice as expected, the yellow become light green. but i was so tired to expect the yelow to come out. it was 1.30 am n i got my stuff printed and rolled up.
loooonng, sad day, but not really that sad though. having fun at school, interior studio.
lesson, dont be last minute. lucky that i didnt print near my assesment day yet, if yeah. i'll not only cried. maybe would be my first, collapse.
shit happens sometimes. but i still think, it meant good.
Monday, November 12, 2012
motivation.beliefs.hope
i was just thinking while doing my work.
i do adore people with high-spirit when one, believe in themselves. what they do they believe in it. i think its the most important thing that people forget. to believe in what they think, do, and say. it pushes one to do things sincerely and responsibly besides, even powerful enough to convince the rest of the world to have the same belief as you do.
beliefs, values, are intangible (i hope i use this vocab correctly) things that are unarguably hard to decipher. but do affect the way we do, think, behave, maybe even breathe or sleep. for me, sometimes i find it hard to believe in my thoughts, i am not that optimistic. but yeah, i have to try to be the opposite. at the same time it becomes a hope that u would like to hold on, achieve in the pursuit of valueable life.
a good book that i read for my project called "the age of speed" explained the how the fast-paced society had changed people's mindset to achieve as much values as they lived. Because of the time constraint people try as hard as they can to maximalize whatever they would like to be able to do for such a meaningful life. i felt lucky, i knew God, i have something which can support and hold on to. i may not have such a hard life as maybe other people do. and maybe for some people whom think, "hey (bitch) u have such a good life. no wonder u said so. u dont know how much i have been through and no one is there for me! the only thing i can count on, is myself. no other." in some ways yeah, this thought is true. but i do personally believe, there is always a reason behind everything that happened to us. the biggest question, for what? i have no idea too. yet hopely..
good day everyone. =)
i do adore people with high-spirit when one, believe in themselves. what they do they believe in it. i think its the most important thing that people forget. to believe in what they think, do, and say. it pushes one to do things sincerely and responsibly besides, even powerful enough to convince the rest of the world to have the same belief as you do.
beliefs, values, are intangible (i hope i use this vocab correctly) things that are unarguably hard to decipher. but do affect the way we do, think, behave, maybe even breathe or sleep. for me, sometimes i find it hard to believe in my thoughts, i am not that optimistic. but yeah, i have to try to be the opposite. at the same time it becomes a hope that u would like to hold on, achieve in the pursuit of valueable life.
a good book that i read for my project called "the age of speed" explained the how the fast-paced society had changed people's mindset to achieve as much values as they lived. Because of the time constraint people try as hard as they can to maximalize whatever they would like to be able to do for such a meaningful life. i felt lucky, i knew God, i have something which can support and hold on to. i may not have such a hard life as maybe other people do. and maybe for some people whom think, "hey (bitch) u have such a good life. no wonder u said so. u dont know how much i have been through and no one is there for me! the only thing i can count on, is myself. no other." in some ways yeah, this thought is true. but i do personally believe, there is always a reason behind everything that happened to us. the biggest question, for what? i have no idea too. yet hopely..
good day everyone. =)
Friday, November 9, 2012
we are born liars.
brain, heart and mind, are the most mysterious thing ever been created.
they are complex, and often keep a lot of secrets.
but, that is the joy, isnt it?
one should have a secret, at least one thing that nobody on this earth knows it.
that is how u kept alive i suppose, some secret are big, some are small and insignificant.
but that is the whole point of being a human i guess.
we are all liars, we do are lying often, to protect ourselves of being hurt. even though u r saying i dont want the others to get hurt, but deep inside, it always been you whom dont want to be hurt through the implication of the event predicted to happen. well, we are liars, born liars.
Monday, November 5, 2012
miss me please?
just thinking...
i read an article by Donald A.Norman, "Selective Memory". Was a great article i suppose, he explained that people live by their memory. Which i totally agree. The way we judge, think, feel, all based on the memory of the past that became knowledge and understanding for us to live our lives. If memory is not important, i dont think for people whose family member suffered from alzheimer and all those memory sickness kinda thing, would not be suffering and significantly being afraid about. We'll think, alzheimer is like a flu or something. ahahhaha
well anway, was just thinking. i miss people sometimes. but sadly, and me myself never believe anyone else except myself missing other people, especially when people say, "i miss u" it is just feel so unreal. somehow. maybe i just havent found the one? but really, sorry friends, i dont really believe u guys when u guys says i miss u. i dont like to lie, so yeah, i rarely saying this sentence unless it feels like so. Back to the point previously anyways, i am sad that nobody miss me sometimes. it feels like, im so insignificant, which if i just in anyways dead, nobody i dont think anyone will really cried for me. sometimes it is just felt like so.
Been saying suicidal stuff lately. but yeah, dont worry, im not committing suicide. NO, yow! Good nite. may all the love and care from the heaven erase all the guilt and worries instead, covering you with all its warmth in the cold nite.... GOOOODDDD NITEEEE! ADIOSSS!
i read an article by Donald A.Norman, "Selective Memory". Was a great article i suppose, he explained that people live by their memory. Which i totally agree. The way we judge, think, feel, all based on the memory of the past that became knowledge and understanding for us to live our lives. If memory is not important, i dont think for people whose family member suffered from alzheimer and all those memory sickness kinda thing, would not be suffering and significantly being afraid about. We'll think, alzheimer is like a flu or something. ahahhaha
well anway, was just thinking. i miss people sometimes. but sadly, and me myself never believe anyone else except myself missing other people, especially when people say, "i miss u" it is just feel so unreal. somehow. maybe i just havent found the one? but really, sorry friends, i dont really believe u guys when u guys says i miss u. i dont like to lie, so yeah, i rarely saying this sentence unless it feels like so. Back to the point previously anyways, i am sad that nobody miss me sometimes. it feels like, im so insignificant, which if i just in anyways dead, nobody i dont think anyone will really cried for me. sometimes it is just felt like so.
Been saying suicidal stuff lately. but yeah, dont worry, im not committing suicide. NO, yow! Good nite. may all the love and care from the heaven erase all the guilt and worries instead, covering you with all its warmth in the cold nite.... GOOOODDDD NITEEEE! ADIOSSS!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
bidubidubiduuuuu~~
aiyeee!
good nite all!
i wanna share some of the joy i had today.
well, i started my day at 7, wake up, brush my teeth, use my clothes and go to church. it was not great a great service just now. im sorry but the preacher today is sooo shallow. well, been quite sometime, everytime he preached, always been so lame. =.=, im sorrry dear preacher.
then the day ticking away, i went for a gallery seating from 11- 3pm. i just did a very little work there today. yeah, ok i think. then i continued my day to go for Indo students outing. was fun! our group won a "cooking"/"decorating" bread contest. our group made "shredded chicken milo" which was...
AWESOME
LOL
we ate, chat, with quite a lot of people today from other division as well. I reached home 20:21. bathe. then chit chat with my roomies, then my mom called.. which answered alllll my sadness or maybe emptiness that i had these few days.
talking to her, was really soothing. she understands, then yeah, sounds like home.
=) we talked for an hour. an hour of simple blessing. love u mom
good nite all!
i wanna share some of the joy i had today.
well, i started my day at 7, wake up, brush my teeth, use my clothes and go to church. it was not great a great service just now. im sorry but the preacher today is sooo shallow. well, been quite sometime, everytime he preached, always been so lame. =.=, im sorrry dear preacher.
then the day ticking away, i went for a gallery seating from 11- 3pm. i just did a very little work there today. yeah, ok i think. then i continued my day to go for Indo students outing. was fun! our group won a "cooking"/"decorating" bread contest. our group made "shredded chicken milo" which was...
AWESOME
LOL
we ate, chat, with quite a lot of people today from other division as well. I reached home 20:21. bathe. then chit chat with my roomies, then my mom called.. which answered alllll my sadness or maybe emptiness that i had these few days.
talking to her, was really soothing. she understands, then yeah, sounds like home.
=) we talked for an hour. an hour of simple blessing. love u mom
Friday, November 2, 2012
10:25pm
I dont know exactly why?
i was ok the whole day..
till nw suddenly i just mysteriously without any reason feel so annoyed.. seriously. gosh. i cant do my work.
i was ok the whole day..
till nw suddenly i just mysteriously without any reason feel so annoyed.. seriously. gosh. i cant do my work.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
I THOUGHT MY BOSS HAS CHANGED, EVENTUALLY, NOPE AT ALL
SOME TIPS AS A GOOD FREAKING BOSS:
- BE ON TIME, EVEN THOUGH U R MEETING UR EMPLOYEE.
- MAKE HIM/HER FEEL NEEDED, APPRECIATION. ACT REAL.
- ASK PROPERLY, WHO NEEDS WHO? WELL, FOR THIS ONE, I NEED THEM TOO.
I KNW U R A BOSS, N HAVE MONEY TO PAY ME ALL THAT. BUT PLEASE. ACT PROFESSIONALLY.
- BE ON TIME, EVEN THOUGH U R MEETING UR EMPLOYEE.
- MAKE HIM/HER FEEL NEEDED, APPRECIATION. ACT REAL.
- ASK PROPERLY, WHO NEEDS WHO? WELL, FOR THIS ONE, I NEED THEM TOO.
I KNW U R A BOSS, N HAVE MONEY TO PAY ME ALL THAT. BUT PLEASE. ACT PROFESSIONALLY.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
12:54pm
i just woke up from my 3 hours nap. open fb, checking my student email, trying to find my feedback. tilll. this freaking blog, which as true as the author said, the book about nothing but you cant stop reading it. my goodness.. =.= Boey, the sharpie on the cup artist guy. When i was a kid. funny full of nonsense but kinda true stories.
Well, as my friend told me before. Nobody is perfect. Anyways, background of this story was this author came to school just now and talked about his life and his book. I admired how a person could be so confident with himself. I always in doubt with myself. or always said, hmmm maybe later? or like but i have never learnt it before kinda thing. im so kiddish and i need more confidence for myself and my work to motivate my thoughts and action also i think.
Back to the point above, from his blog, it seemed everyday lives that he had was very common but interesting in some ways. But a flaw came into my mind. through his stories, whether its true or not, he sounded lonely sometimes, by any means. achieved so many things in life...... ( alot of protest going on in my head, but yeah, watever) which kinda make me think, ok thats good. it means you are a human, nobody is perfect. hahahaha stupid thoughts.
good inspiring thing that he said in the talk or was it from the video i watch? do your dreams then it became a reality. a long the way, a lot of people whom dont succeed were because of the hope that dies fast. people who have tons of them live longer and happier, i suppose. spirit!
=)
awesome day. i do nothing for my school work. instead reading shit and wrote this thing instead of my freaking important essay. move your ass bitch, read or do something. =.= sincerely i beg other self to be dilligent. come on! u can do it! >.<
Well, as my friend told me before. Nobody is perfect. Anyways, background of this story was this author came to school just now and talked about his life and his book. I admired how a person could be so confident with himself. I always in doubt with myself. or always said, hmmm maybe later? or like but i have never learnt it before kinda thing. im so kiddish and i need more confidence for myself and my work to motivate my thoughts and action also i think.
Back to the point above, from his blog, it seemed everyday lives that he had was very common but interesting in some ways. But a flaw came into my mind. through his stories, whether its true or not, he sounded lonely sometimes, by any means. achieved so many things in life...... ( alot of protest going on in my head, but yeah, watever) which kinda make me think, ok thats good. it means you are a human, nobody is perfect. hahahaha stupid thoughts.
good inspiring thing that he said in the talk or was it from the video i watch? do your dreams then it became a reality. a long the way, a lot of people whom dont succeed were because of the hope that dies fast. people who have tons of them live longer and happier, i suppose. spirit!
=)
awesome day. i do nothing for my school work. instead reading shit and wrote this thing instead of my freaking important essay. move your ass bitch, read or do something. =.= sincerely i beg other self to be dilligent. come on! u can do it! >.<
Friday, October 26, 2012
little things called worries
hei blog, watever i suppose to call you.
2:12 am in the morning, i just met my indo friend, chit chat, was fun anyways =)
BUTTTT
I AM SCARED OF MY DEGREEEEEE
OMG
PLEASE GOD, HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS!!!!
LET ME GRADUATE PROPERLY.
IM NOT AIMING FOR FIRST CLASS, SECOND UPPER MAY OBVIOUSLY DO. BUT PLEASE NO THIRD AND OTHER SILLY DEGREEEE
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEEEE
='(
one little thing, i am not yet ready if you are taken by somebody else yet. so please be it. and hopefully someday, u are able to 'see' me, but i am totally in doubt of it. im not pretty or stunning anw.. =.= niteeeeyyy emotional niteee
dear God,
help me please, i do am sorry that i dont really communicate with you lately. but hopefully, u are hearing me.. sorry oh God.. x(
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
good morning!
Good day everyone!
=)
Well, this morning, should be a great day, good motivation, and action!!!! omg, ive been doing nothing lately. wasting time even though week 12 is my kinda submission. lol. id better die, 22 oct is the big day. tik tok tik tok tik tok.... I MUST DO MY FREAKING WORRRKKKKK!!!!!!! Xl
=)
Well, this morning, should be a great day, good motivation, and action!!!! omg, ive been doing nothing lately. wasting time even though week 12 is my kinda submission. lol. id better die, 22 oct is the big day. tik tok tik tok tik tok.... I MUST DO MY FREAKING WORRRKKKKK!!!!!!! Xl
Saturday, September 29, 2012
PSYCHO MYSELF AT NITE
huffttt...
the day was just ended.
i am home with my bed and cushion ready to sleep..
just one thought
oh gosh my little sist is so mature nw! ckcckck
i should kinda change i think.
lol
I NEED TO CHANGEEEE!!! BE A BETTER PERSON, COME ON U CAN DO IT!!!
=D NITEEEE
the day was just ended.
i am home with my bed and cushion ready to sleep..
just one thought
oh gosh my little sist is so mature nw! ckcckck
i should kinda change i think.
lol
I NEED TO CHANGEEEE!!! BE A BETTER PERSON, COME ON U CAN DO IT!!!
=D NITEEEE
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
we call it love?
i am not emo for the time being though.
i was just feeling some warmth in my heart.
seeing one, seemed to be somebody else whom you will not think he would become.
a lot of smile, happiness, vulnerability, you can be somebody whom you really are.
no pretention, just who you are.
isnt it nice?
=)
if only, for my dear friend, like to listen, well i just want to tell you the above.
but it is just a dream if u kinda listen to what i think.
the world may come to an end if u do. lol
love? to accept another with their vulnerability and all? is it really? =)
good daaaaayyy
<3 p="p">
i was just feeling some warmth in my heart.
seeing one, seemed to be somebody else whom you will not think he would become.
a lot of smile, happiness, vulnerability, you can be somebody whom you really are.
no pretention, just who you are.
isnt it nice?
=)
if only, for my dear friend, like to listen, well i just want to tell you the above.
but it is just a dream if u kinda listen to what i think.
the world may come to an end if u do. lol
love? to accept another with their vulnerability and all? is it really? =)
good daaaaayyy
<3 p="p">
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
design maybe the fox in the sheep skin.
oh gosh,
During this year, BA programme in lasalle, personally, it is the time i read the most throughout my whole life. no joke, and moreover, its all about non fictional stuff about design.
It could be good or even bad. The books that i read, so much were talking about consumerism, deception, and all those kind of stuff. phylosophical and oh gosh, i just feel sick sometimes reading it. Just make me think, design is just another dirty job which tricks other people in the mask of personal indulge of aesthetics. We designed waht we like, what we think is nice for even products that u mainly have inside ur wardrobe, kitchen, ur clothes, ur food, everything is designed nicely for the sake of being consumed.
life is all about survival
when money takes over our lives, it evolves our lives to consumerism.
since the media and technology exist our desire about consuming is getting worst.
we consume, buy things not necessarily for our physical needs, but all this kind of greed,status, and power needs.
the world is just another dirty playground.
we play,breathe, live in it like it or not.
the sin and the fallen earth sounds so true.
maybe, the earth would not end by any disasters, but the slowly but sure consumerism consume us.
by feeding the needs of owning branded stuff, unncessary, we do feel satisfied, but for how long?
it last shorter and shorter since the media advertised, "hey, this is new! buy me" the technology is a fox in a sheep skin which come through the gate of media and advertisement which fools the shepherd. by
sin, it comes in a superb form, which i dont think most people feels guilty buying things that "we think we need it". the black hole is right on the ground we are standing on, we fall but sadly not realizing it, but it is too nice to get out from it. the darker, the better, consume more?
During this year, BA programme in lasalle, personally, it is the time i read the most throughout my whole life. no joke, and moreover, its all about non fictional stuff about design.
It could be good or even bad. The books that i read, so much were talking about consumerism, deception, and all those kind of stuff. phylosophical and oh gosh, i just feel sick sometimes reading it. Just make me think, design is just another dirty job which tricks other people in the mask of personal indulge of aesthetics. We designed waht we like, what we think is nice for even products that u mainly have inside ur wardrobe, kitchen, ur clothes, ur food, everything is designed nicely for the sake of being consumed.
life is all about survival
when money takes over our lives, it evolves our lives to consumerism.
since the media and technology exist our desire about consuming is getting worst.
we consume, buy things not necessarily for our physical needs, but all this kind of greed,status, and power needs.
the world is just another dirty playground.
we play,breathe, live in it like it or not.
the sin and the fallen earth sounds so true.
maybe, the earth would not end by any disasters, but the slowly but sure consumerism consume us.
by feeding the needs of owning branded stuff, unncessary, we do feel satisfied, but for how long?
it last shorter and shorter since the media advertised, "hey, this is new! buy me" the technology is a fox in a sheep skin which come through the gate of media and advertisement which fools the shepherd. by
sin, it comes in a superb form, which i dont think most people feels guilty buying things that "we think we need it". the black hole is right on the ground we are standing on, we fall but sadly not realizing it, but it is too nice to get out from it. the darker, the better, consume more?
Friday, July 13, 2012
happiness?
i was in the bus, a lot of Indians were there. I went back from a hang out, bday drinking party for his friend's bday and bar closing drinking day. Well, just suddenly thinking, now this Caucasian guy, is around 52-53 i suppose. He is my boss in the company im interning currently. He was just married 2-3 years ago with a Singaporean lady, whom i suppose like not to have kids. No kids in their marriage so far, from his story, every couple of months, he'll just take his wife for a vacation elsewhere. which i think, lovely!
Meanwhile, in the bus, i saw Indians, maybe around 23-40 years old max, they are coolies. After work, they are going home, along with their phones, they started to listen to the music, messaging, calling, and so on. I just wander, hey, maybe some of them working so hard here to make their family alive, or to make their kids keep studying. live has never been "good" in my context for them. or for people who are in such a young age, make themselves prepare for marriage a couple of years later.
wow. life is just so far different.
Asians, career minded, even my parents, they married pretty late, 26 to 28, having me at the age of 30, which are considered a bit late compared to the ones in rural areas, they married and having kids might be in a younger age, some of them even in the age of 16 and having kids a year later, which is 17. Which i think, omg! my age 3 years ago with kids??! Meanwhile, Caucasian, they just got married age around maybe 30+ or later? sort of?
Marriage and kids as the measurement of happiness? or just a peer pressure? i dont really know..
Let's say its for happiness which is such an unmeasured word. For some, they said, have kids, for some, no kids. For some Godly lives, some others, no God, i do things for my own. and so on and so on. But whatever it is, nobody wants to feel the opposite.
some random maybe useless thoughts.
Meanwhile, in the bus, i saw Indians, maybe around 23-40 years old max, they are coolies. After work, they are going home, along with their phones, they started to listen to the music, messaging, calling, and so on. I just wander, hey, maybe some of them working so hard here to make their family alive, or to make their kids keep studying. live has never been "good" in my context for them. or for people who are in such a young age, make themselves prepare for marriage a couple of years later.
wow. life is just so far different.
Asians, career minded, even my parents, they married pretty late, 26 to 28, having me at the age of 30, which are considered a bit late compared to the ones in rural areas, they married and having kids might be in a younger age, some of them even in the age of 16 and having kids a year later, which is 17. Which i think, omg! my age 3 years ago with kids??! Meanwhile, Caucasian, they just got married age around maybe 30+ or later? sort of?
Marriage and kids as the measurement of happiness? or just a peer pressure? i dont really know..
Let's say its for happiness which is such an unmeasured word. For some, they said, have kids, for some, no kids. For some Godly lives, some others, no God, i do things for my own. and so on and so on. But whatever it is, nobody wants to feel the opposite.
some random maybe useless thoughts.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
I loved life, but sadly life never love me back.
-jonathan paljor-
i just felt sometimes life is another dream. in a day you may have the happiest moment, the next day or even second you may lost it in a blink of an eye.
life will be really really easy and simple if humans have no hearts, nobody feels hurt and life will be just about survival which is sad in the eye of a big hearted man.
life is like a movie. you are the main actor, the eye is your camera, your heart is the spectator. Your brain record all the things and put it in the shelves accordingly each day. Sometimes, if the recording is not so interesting they will be just thrown or put near the dumping area. Some really good, happy, when the spectator feels emotionally attached, they will be kept in a special space called, memory.
Memory is a space that kept all the most fatal moments in life, it is a room, with a video player and tv being put next to best video's shelves. privately, secretly a nice place only you alone able to rewatched them. Indulged, cried, be crazy, is all up to you. Nobody else judge the movie as best as you, nobody else commenting, nobody disturbs.
Whether your purpose is to indulge, to learn, or just tidy up all the mess and retidying it, they are all your choice.
Be wise to use that privilege.
-jonathan paljor-
i just felt sometimes life is another dream. in a day you may have the happiest moment, the next day or even second you may lost it in a blink of an eye.
life will be really really easy and simple if humans have no hearts, nobody feels hurt and life will be just about survival which is sad in the eye of a big hearted man.
life is like a movie. you are the main actor, the eye is your camera, your heart is the spectator. Your brain record all the things and put it in the shelves accordingly each day. Sometimes, if the recording is not so interesting they will be just thrown or put near the dumping area. Some really good, happy, when the spectator feels emotionally attached, they will be kept in a special space called, memory.
Memory is a space that kept all the most fatal moments in life, it is a room, with a video player and tv being put next to best video's shelves. privately, secretly a nice place only you alone able to rewatched them. Indulged, cried, be crazy, is all up to you. Nobody else judge the movie as best as you, nobody else commenting, nobody disturbs.
Whether your purpose is to indulge, to learn, or just tidy up all the mess and retidying it, they are all your choice.
Be wise to use that privilege.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Watch your heart
WOOT WOOT WOOT!!
GOOD MORNING ALLLL!
=)
its kinda too early to be emo but, thats the purpose of blog rite? makes you a bit happier when you cant really tell anyone about your thoughts. Welll, i just think why? why i always like a person who will just not belong to me? kinda funny but everytime i like someone, they will go away, or belongs to somebody else's just in a blink of an eye.
For guys, maybe you can ask me to like you somehow, and not so long after that you can have somebody beside you. haahhaha its a fact man. im telling you.
Its kinda fun to have an eyecandy rather than nothing anyway. i had some thrill when i saw him, i would like to know whats happpening, gossiping around with my friends, try to cover up my feelings to anyone. to think about it, its kinda funny, really. even though, i should NEVER really fall to anyone.
JUST watch your heart before it flies too far.
GOOD MORNING ALLLL!
=)
its kinda too early to be emo but, thats the purpose of blog rite? makes you a bit happier when you cant really tell anyone about your thoughts. Welll, i just think why? why i always like a person who will just not belong to me? kinda funny but everytime i like someone, they will go away, or belongs to somebody else's just in a blink of an eye.
For guys, maybe you can ask me to like you somehow, and not so long after that you can have somebody beside you. haahhaha its a fact man. im telling you.
Its kinda fun to have an eyecandy rather than nothing anyway. i had some thrill when i saw him, i would like to know whats happpening, gossiping around with my friends, try to cover up my feelings to anyone. to think about it, its kinda funny, really. even though, i should NEVER really fall to anyone.
JUST watch your heart before it flies too far.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
H3llooowwwww ~~~~ =)
a lot of things have been happening during this holiday.
go thailand woohooo!!!
doing some shitty works
personal unfinished yet project
helping church (rarely) which was fun!
celebrating new year with fam
go around the town like a tourist
now! sitting in front of comp waiting for the schooling time count down... arrrggghhhh!!!
HOLIDAY IS ALMOST OVEERRRRR!!!!!
=.=
hmmm kita coba sekarang mengasah kemampuan berpantun saya.. hahhaha! mudah2an ok lah y >,<
brat bret brot cuit cuit
suara kentut si emak sebelah
aduh boke amit2
mau ini itu ga boleh lahhhh
panas2 minum coca cola kata singaporean, so shock!
kata emak2 coca-cola bau tumbila
si mbak lagi masak2
buset, wanginya ujubilah!
buah salak
buah simalakama
kalo tersedak
ketawa aja hahahhaah
teu nyambuuuunnnggggg
lol
ok.. byeeee....
kyny kemampuan g masi terpendam di belahan otak g yg laen nih...
seeee yoooouuuu
The Grey
greeting after a zillion years ever posting anything on my blog.
Well, a lot of things to cover up!
Hmmm, most amazing news so far, Felicia and Fandy now marrieeedddd!! =D
happy for them =)
Today is my first day of internship in onEvent which is just accross my aunts place. =) Back to the thoughts i have been thinking on, World is just designed perfectly.
One day,
I was sitting on my own in Subway, eating my warm sub while observing the whole place and people in there. There are quite a number, different raise around. 3 Singaporean secondary students were laughing, chit chatting about, maybe, their days, Secondary kids, yeah, you know ;P. Their back were a family, Caucasian, 2 kids and themselves. I was sitting on the second row next to the Secondary kids. Behind me myself, i cant see, and not be bothered as well. But next to my table, an Indian guy was just start eating his lunch while i was finishing mine. Staring at his BB for a while and reading the news at the next second. He is quite plum, but still nice to look at. Behind him another 3 Secondary students, 3 boys, whom talking about politics, which i think was they are quite a nerd but the intelligent ones. They were talking about it enthusiastically, which made me think on my own.
a country ruled by a man.
The world, i might say might be ruled by one man as well.
Even though i dont know who that is.
It is no longer a secret, people longing for power and success, who doesn't?
Respect.
Respect is the gift that you will get.
All of this thing made by the thing called greed. Meet the greed, people needs greed in order to survive. Ambition, to live, have a good live and all that. Amazingly, God knows long before and created us this way to live. If humans didnt fall into sin, they wont really alive i might say, they wont need any greeds to live.
Greed is created to give a person ambition, desire which make them wanna achieve it wether its right or wrong, it do depends on the person. Greeds and all those ambition make the world go around. People with bigger ambition and will, they are standing on the top of the survival pyramid, you may called them boss. While the lesser ones will sadly work and sit for them, which we called work to live. Even though the factor of luck we cannot just forget them in this world. But, greed, ambition, desire factors still works. If they have no desire to get more, they may be just fine, still in the same level of wealth but if they don't, they may fall, never get up, and return back to their seat.
Without greed, ambition and desire, alot of things wont be going. Our Creator is not exist physically, how does the world going? Who is ruling who?
While power exist, a man able to rule many, wether they want it or not, you have no choice but to obey. Painfully speaking, someone has to work in oder to make the world "go around".
Seemed to me, it is all just a chain, very very long, invisible, mind f*ucking food chain.
Greed, ambition and desire? is it 'black' or "white"?
I will say, it is grey.
Well, a lot of things to cover up!
Hmmm, most amazing news so far, Felicia and Fandy now marrieeedddd!! =D
happy for them =)
Today is my first day of internship in onEvent which is just accross my aunts place. =) Back to the thoughts i have been thinking on, World is just designed perfectly.
One day,
I was sitting on my own in Subway, eating my warm sub while observing the whole place and people in there. There are quite a number, different raise around. 3 Singaporean secondary students were laughing, chit chatting about, maybe, their days, Secondary kids, yeah, you know ;P. Their back were a family, Caucasian, 2 kids and themselves. I was sitting on the second row next to the Secondary kids. Behind me myself, i cant see, and not be bothered as well. But next to my table, an Indian guy was just start eating his lunch while i was finishing mine. Staring at his BB for a while and reading the news at the next second. He is quite plum, but still nice to look at. Behind him another 3 Secondary students, 3 boys, whom talking about politics, which i think was they are quite a nerd but the intelligent ones. They were talking about it enthusiastically, which made me think on my own.
a country ruled by a man.
The world, i might say might be ruled by one man as well.
Even though i dont know who that is.
It is no longer a secret, people longing for power and success, who doesn't?
Respect.
Respect is the gift that you will get.
All of this thing made by the thing called greed. Meet the greed, people needs greed in order to survive. Ambition, to live, have a good live and all that. Amazingly, God knows long before and created us this way to live. If humans didnt fall into sin, they wont really alive i might say, they wont need any greeds to live.
Greed is created to give a person ambition, desire which make them wanna achieve it wether its right or wrong, it do depends on the person. Greeds and all those ambition make the world go around. People with bigger ambition and will, they are standing on the top of the survival pyramid, you may called them boss. While the lesser ones will sadly work and sit for them, which we called work to live. Even though the factor of luck we cannot just forget them in this world. But, greed, ambition, desire factors still works. If they have no desire to get more, they may be just fine, still in the same level of wealth but if they don't, they may fall, never get up, and return back to their seat.
Without greed, ambition and desire, alot of things wont be going. Our Creator is not exist physically, how does the world going? Who is ruling who?
While power exist, a man able to rule many, wether they want it or not, you have no choice but to obey. Painfully speaking, someone has to work in oder to make the world "go around".
Seemed to me, it is all just a chain, very very long, invisible, mind f*ucking food chain.
Greed, ambition and desire? is it 'black' or "white"?
I will say, it is grey.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
The day before doomsday
Was having a great fun, shopping with my friend, Melly.
Lovely Taurus girl i've ever known. heheheh
I really enjoyed that moment, just need more time, then we could be a really close bestfriend i guess.
=)
a lot has been happening since last time i blogged.
I cut and dyed my hair.
Meet my longlost old friends in highschool, once love him but not anymore. hgahahaha lol.
Missing from school for total 10 freaking days. Was a great fun!
Join PPIS, as an ITPM member where i felt like its just clerikal job.
Doing ISF, Indo festival and make my whole body full of hardly erased paints.
Watching some love real life story in church. Wonder how its gonna end, happy? hope so =)
Been really close with jee min. She is my besties nw. The most kind hearted, gullible, ever. love her the most.
Glad that so far i'm still alive and well, even though im getting fatter like a drum. lol
errrrmmm
last but not least, thanks God, for the blessings taht i had in my life so far. These days U've been STRENGTHENING me about faith. Even though i never asked, not realizing it, u just providing it for me.
Fated faith. Is it true?
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