the power of words

i joined this event which will perform in June 16th 2013 later. i was not holding a super important role anyways. just a simple assistant stage manager. but yeah, anyways,

there was a rehearsal and photo session today. we finished and went home. there was nothing much happening in the event i guess. I always thought it would be just some flings and you know, crushes alone. However, i just knew that it was not true, instead it became more complicated. one of the dancer became overwhelmed cause a  lot of guys were saying that she is cute. well, i told her when she asked why people were always matchmaking her with one of the guys in that event gonna be. i told her, she is cute and a lot of guys like that fact as well and yeah... \

However, who knew, in a week everything start to change. she accepted that fact that a lot of guys like her and she as well started to act weirdly. As in craving for attention to attract the guy's attention. she behaved differently now. the "true" colors revealed i guess. it became scarry and inhumane when it seems like she tried to make use the guy which like her. feel sad for this guy anw. 

selfishness and the seduction of words, might not always be good. it would be good for you but you might eventually hurt someone else's heart. might be deeply even. 

i dont know how to describe this feeling. pity? a vulnerable girl trying to find her lover, for her own happiness. but yeah, not in a good way i guess... what do u think???

6.22 am at school

heloo peeps. first day of staying up at school after a week + of break.

well, i did quite a thought about my project i guess. but yeah, not so much tho...
o yeah, next to our studio is product design studio. they were madddd... 4am, screaming, head banging, stuff banging, shirtless with metal music and cursing. ahhahahah kinda funny!

well anyways, i do think girls are just thinking too much. overthinking has never been good to me. me and my friends sounds like really overthink about me and my crush which made me flattered and feel happy. Till i saw the fact, hey, your crush might be in love with some other girl man... i can see that, he sounded like having fun..
what am i doing??
dont think too much, maybe he is just want to be my friends, as any other people as well. and so does the other people rite? he may be just wanna make more friends, nothing more.
he is kind and always is.
wake up girl. dream is over. kinda over. dont flourished your dream too much, will be hard for you to step back on track.
dont be stupid really. there might be nothing going on as well.
be a good friend indeed.
be a good friend.
dont expect so much till u see the signs. which is not even 10% of it i guess.

do work. dont take so much sleep. be happy and independent.

such a sunday

yesterday was the day all christians, most christians supposingly go to church. i went back to church after 3 weeks missing. lol. trying to be more ladylike with black skirt, some make up and ready to goooo.

the service was a bit i was not so sure what the topic was. the preacher kept jumping and i was somehw sleepy. the service end. i stood near the door and greeted the people. i saw my crush at the front, because he was in duty. he used black shirt and pants with yellow tie. as always i think he seemed cute to me. lol. i dont know whether i was wrong or not. but seemed like he was looking at me? notice my hair color changed as well, which not badddd eh.. we went for lunch with others as well. was a super hot sunny sunday man... in such a small food court we ate and chit chat.

here comes something interesting about that meeting. nothing lovely this time. but yeah, more likely insightful? he told us that as a person, we should not be boastful. humble has always been the key to success i guess. he was telling us that as a fresh graduant, no matter how many degree which we took, should not make ourselves proud as if nobody else is smarter than you. that has never been right, i am telling you. education has always seemed to lifted up our sense of pride which we shouldn't. over pride never sells either. =/

secondly, he gave us advise on how to boast on our cv. however, in my case, it has not yet really happened. grading myself i got 4 out of 10 i guess. i needed references!! qualified ones.

portfolio is important.

it is really interesting how people think so differently. as im design students, our topic of living seemed not to go this way tho. we talked alot about passion not so much about money and economical securities. we talked and discuss things mostly that we felt, social and things that is not related to power, greeds over money. to think about it, wow. we are weird and different. education does shaped even the way we think and live our lifes.

what do you expect from your life? money? passion? success? just a happy family ending?
=) i didnt even jog, i was maybe just swaying my tail on the floor,,,

i feel alive!

hei2 ho!

good afternoon~~

im at school and just for info, assesment is just 5 days away!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHA IM NOWHERE NEAR FINISHING.
=D =D =D DEEEEAAADDDDDDDDDD~~~~

but today i feel so happy after i consulted. my lecture didnt make me confused instead he really make a direction of what to do. kinda amazing when it is all so clear for now. i feel motivated. and i should do moreeee as fast as i can before it is all gone with the wind. lol! i love u God and all the blessings =D

wish me luck! WIP! HERE I COMEEEE!
deep inside my little tiny heart somebody cries, omg, how am i gonna finish this and get through this?? some other spirit says, its ok dude, u r gonna survive

sunny day on the 10th

hellow willow yellow mashmellow~~

its monday today.
tomorrow i have some shirt submission btw.
but yeah, i will just a bit more put my pen down and writting some stuff here.

Its been.. i dont know. but yeah, maybe a month? im having a super deep crush. and actually, i was totally make a wrong move according to my trustable advisors.
its really stupid when i like someone, i become, mean.. i am mean in nature i guess? but not that much? oh dear... now is like my chance is even getting worst.
looking at the bright side, he might forgive me or just think that im a weirdo.. but yeah.. its okay. i might try to fix it according to my advisors advice?
WELL ITS VERY SIMPLE. JUST BE A LADY.
THE BIGGEST RESOLUTION TO BE MADE IS
TO BECOME A LADY..
GOSH....
HOW TO DO THIS?????????????
I'll try to become more ladylike. how? im not that sure, seriously.....
im quite sad because of myself. what matters is inside, not much outside right? well it matters as well. i need to loose some more weight. be confident and feminine. Thats the plan!
lets see how far can i go? how succesful my story gonna be?
life is just another adventure isnt it?
God, help me to be more ladylike. it does sounds like a stupid thing to ask.. but yeah, i think i need to ask for it... thanks God for everything... even though it maybe tough and stuff, i was being facilitated to experience of i might say, getting older?

it seems vain, but yeah, this kid, still learning to live in this world. happily and still naively innocent, slightly stupid. but yeah, this is me =)

my prayer answered

last week or last month i was praying hoping that he showed me the "one". well, He does showed me a "closing door" i guess. Pretty obvious now i think. well, sayonara akihabara! Let this crush just go away.. slowly but for sure it is gonna be healing. thanks for the lesson God! everything.. =) just one little thing i hope he would do. to forgive me and do not think ever again im a prick.

lesson:
do not ever say sorry.
do not text ever the first one.
play "expensive"
be a smart girl.
my friend told me to be active. active in his term i dont really get it as well, (refer to pond's ads).
be charming (which i have no idea how to be one)

anyway, it was fun. i believe the right one come on its time. HOPE FOR BEST!
the sun shines brightly, so do your heart, no use crying or being sad right? nobody is sad for you either. learn from it, and dont make the same mistake ever again.

why eggs come with a shell?

i ate eggs for breakfast.
i was holding it then i think.. hei, how fragile this thing is..
in a second you just can crush it and you'll never be born.

i just reflected myself, us humans that way. even the strongest looking shell in the world, they still have a fragile heart inside. Their thoughts covered perfectly by the outer looking shell. Maybe, well built looking, a pair of gilttery eyes which comes with a bright smile and a pair of sweet dimples on the cheek. but who knows what is inside? noone knows how good the yolk is right?

a shell just meant to protect the yolk.
The yolk itself is a piece of soul. It depends on you and how you adapt with the given circumstances.
sometimes it seems like it is just some sort of luck? if you are lucky enough, you found a good farmer, you'll be able to hatch. if you are not so lucky, you just be who you are and froze inside the fridge. By default you maybe came with all the good genes and stuff. But yeah, you just dont grow and freeze, but at least eaten by someone. make a life worth for someoneelse? or the last alternatives which i hate. it was bad at first and instead of surviving, they just loosing hope of living. End up, its just gone bad and nobody can make use of you either. so, the bin was just your last destination after all.

some shell are really convincing than the others. some have just more luck rather than the other egg to get to become a chick. some may froze in the fridge but yeah, at least useful for the person who bought it from the grocery shop. but the worst, given up. dead. unuseful.

i wish, i am a good egg with the best, good luck ones. but at least im a good egg ready to be eaten, frozen in a good condition. wait till the frying pan lit on the stove, mixed with a bit of milk and margerine /butter, a bit of salt and pepper. ssssshhhhh~~~ nice, warm scrambled egg on somebody's morning breakfast plate. ready to be eaten peacefully, and gone happily.........

1001 people in your life

i met a lot of amazing people in my life.

started from home, i met my mom. She is such a "torch" of light in me and my sister's life. The most admirable person i always want to be.
i went to school. I learnt how to write essay right now. I met gazilion people whom change my life each day. The friends whom always supported me. A person who dont really care. a person whom has such a big passion for soemthing. a person who takes things and give you back something in return.
approached by sucky people. learn the meaning of survival. learn how to be a subordinate. teamate. roomate. after all, its all the people whom made you change. not only inside you, but the surroundings around you whom make you feel good or bad about yourself. however, you just cant denied critisism and all that shit afterall. thats life. if you look at your path, you should see all the goodness. there is no such pain without any result in it. thats what i believe i guess and i think whoever you are too, you should do believe so. thats how you walk and run. not just looking back and cry about it. it makes you stop and not moving.

im not the most positive person in the world nor the smartest person on earth, not the most kind hearted person live in earth nor the most honest person even. this is just a confession. a thought from an ordinary girl in such an extraordinary world and people in it. i  felt blessed that i was born in this world. Knowing whoever I have met in my entire life. laughing. crying. chatting.

maybe, we should meet each other even one day. who knows we could be best friends?
good day!

it is the thought that rules everything... keep it positive =)

am i freaky? yes, my lady you are

simple.

these days i did really think im a stupid little prick. i like this guy and as u know i think he will start to think fuck you man! i think im super insecure man. my God, stop doing that, self!

i always say im sorry n shit.
behave well! be who you are. saying sorry wont change any fact. seriously. you just ruined everything! seriously! be normal self! stop freaking apologizing. its stupid

REALLY.

I DONT CARE ANYMORE! WAT THE HELL ! I WILL STOP BEING SO STUPID! BE YOURSELF! BE STRONG. NO MORE APOLOGIZING