simply 11 feb 2013

a day after cny.
i eat with my friends for buffet.
i woke up with such a happy mood.
we meet. we eat. we laugh. we sit. we chat.
nice.

then i thought i said things wrongly i guess. the way i said things even its only just watsapp.
i was trying to be myself and trying to be friendly i suppose. even i dont know whether that intention actually perceived as it suppose to be or not... i freaked out cause its not my friend yet. so yeah, i just cant think i looked like a freak before anyone know me.

me, there is always this tiny black hole in me. in which tendency, blaming myself over things. i really hate this. now im kinda having it.

however, i was impressed with this person, he and his feminist kinda thoughts. i began to admire him. well i did before but yeah, cause i thought, he is cute. =)
kinda slap on my face whatever he said. i think me , have this tendency to underestimate girls even though me myself is a girl. honourable thoughts of him i suppose. he appreciated girls in a nice way which i think rare i suppose. he is such a gem hopefully, worth keeping or maybe its just me, such a close minded girl who thinks she started to see the world?

not so sure though. but for sure, i need to be brave. think highly maybe a bit higher than now of yourself. the reason maybe i have not yet have anyone in my life, maybe because of my self-destructive thoughts which at the end became such a huge wall and blocked my way. me and my short spirit just let the energy gone, surrender and make myself sit still, starring that wall.

i did not know what make me become such a person. i need to change. God, help me. me and my thoughts. keep it positive o God...