WE BEGIN WITH DOUBTS END UP WITH SMILE

i have a wish in my mind.
to say how much i admire friends in my life. like the most important people in my life.
well, i think im gonna do it for my on bday. i'll distribute evry single letter myself and hopefully they are all appreciate it. =)

i was so excited since this morning i sat on the toilet bowl. i think id better do it soon or wrote or just spill it here so that i can start my work.

i have doubts in my mind as well. I like this guy. i message him n shit. but seemed like there is no positive response to it. like really.. =( but he seemed so perfect. he is not that charming like prince charming but i really like him because he is a really good friend. he does really care for everyone. at least i wish i can kept him for myself. but oh well, dream is just a dream right? i still need to stand on the ground. do not fly because it would be hard to stand on the ground again when you do so. my friends all supported me and try to motivate me. they said that we kinda look alike. but what's the point. a false hope isn't it?

Dear God, i begin not to like this game. if he meant not to be a part of my life. significantly, just erase this feeling. when i sleep, when i eat, or even when i do shit. i am kind of afraid of this false hope and shit, i really do. but, i still want to keep him as my friend. such a precious one. should not be thrown just like that. all that matters is just my feeling though. dont let it run too wild...

i am in doubt as well about my future. i dont know how is it going to be. i dont know whether i can still  stay in sg for at least a year or 2? then i would love to go somewhere else or even indo to get a living or something.

i just wish right now i found a boyfriend. who is dependable and he suited Your purpose as well. i have no direction o God. Please guide me. Show me the light. Close the doors that is not suppose to be my way of living. But please open the correct road for me.

i know i am an insecure late bloomer. but i wished that You help me get through this. I know You have the best plan in my life. Let me see it God. Thank you so much for all the friends that You have given me. All the adventurous experience You have facilitated me. All the good things that happened in my life and shaped me. To look back. I have changed a lot. To the better and the worst. But i like myself better right now. I really do. Be harsh to  me if You dont like any particular behaviour in my life. Just, let me know clearly about it. Cause im a bit dumb.


THANK YOU GOD! <3 loads="" p="" u="">