sometimes i just wished im a guy. stay happy, stable,and carefree, less rollercoaster mood or jetcoaster mood, watever you call it.

i was fine throughout the day. just feeling tired and sleepy anyways. i took a nap. when i woke up it was just that i was feeling a bit empty.. or maybe guilty and at the same time angry/ pissed out of nowhere.blame assesment maybe. that feeling was.. weird... really weird. my heart just felt like... taken bit by bit, makes it somehow, harder to breath per normal. fiuhh.. fiuh.... i was trying to make myself calm. i was aaaaalllmoooosttt fell into tears. I bought some coffee to make myself up and maybe help myself up. i felt better for just a second, but I realized, it was not enough. no. then i tried to buy a packet of mnm. I heard sweet stuff curessss. well, it didnt =.=. i sat down in my studio again, i just felt like i cannot hold it anymore. then i just burst into tears. ask me why did i cry? i was not so sure either.

i just hate myself sometimes. emotional rollercoaster .. i hate you.

be strong kid. be strong. it is going to be over. soon.
i just wish im a guy. at least, be strong?
i hate this feeling. i hate this kind of confusing state of mind?